A Moment to Remember, A Moment to Forget
by SaphireMalfoy
Summary: Severus goes to the Dursley's to check up on Harry and get him to talk (highly suggested by Dumbledore of course). Little did he know what talking would do to the two. What will the future bring for the tortured teen? Death as he hopes or can there be hope beyond that in the unforgiving world? HP/SS and possibly HP/DM
1. Chapter 1

A Savior is not Supposed to be Saved!

Disclaimer: Well obviously this doesn't need a disclaimer, since I am soooo obviously not JK Rowling, but the characters are not mine. However if someone wants to give me a chocolate covered Draco, I would accept him :P

Warning: Mentions of abuse, suicidal!Harry, rape and MalexMale relationships! (specifically Severus and Harry later! Possible Harry/Draco as well) If any of these make you squeemish, please don't read on!

5 years of school passed, 2 to go. The thought of anything else Harry tried to keep from his mind as he sat in the room that felt too big, too dark for him to keep his eyes open. The one place that was his safenest in this home was now his torment. He no longer had a safe place to go. Not one place where he could keep his family out of his mind. Years before, he had the cupboard which, while small, was more comforting. Closed in around him, where he could feel as if he were wrapped in a cell. It would be most preferable. Isn't that where killers were supposed to be? Locked up in isolation. Not sent back to live with their families for the summer, expecting a _bright_ future. The only bright fact would be when that bright green light would come towards him and he could take that final rest in the darkness he saw behind his eyelids. He dreamt of that final day often. A dream of death that could not come soon enough. Unfortunately for him, unless he somehow allowed himself to disappoint others on purpose, he would always try to please. Always try… for others.

Harry sighed at the unfortunate truth his life had become. He no longer lived with a sense of peace. He hadn't… ever. For as long as he remembered, he knew of pain, suffering and death. Never his own death though. Harry felt tears come to his eyes as he turned over, a wave of pain across his side becoming too much for him. When had his life become this though? A constant longing for death. It wasn't until last summer, if he remembered correctly.

_Harry worked quietly in the kitchen, scrubbing the floor with a towel, waiting on the food to cook for his aunt, uncle and cousin. They were still asleep, so he had to be careful not to make too much noise. As far as he was concerned, it was some of the best moments of his day. The only expectations were those he put on himself. Not to burn the food and to make sure the place was presentable enough. So long as that was so, he didn't have anyone around watching him, nitpicking his work. It was amazing. _

_"__Boy." Harry cringed, looking up. Had he been too loud? Perhaps he was late! Crap, what time was it. But as he looked at the clock, he knew that was not the case. His uncle stood there in his boxers, an uncommon sight. Usually Vernon was well-dressed before coming downstairs, or at least threw a robe on. The man before him was acting very strangely. He was gazing at Harry with a look that Harry couldn't read. Somewhere between 'curiosity' and 'predatory'. _

_"__Uncle…" Harry began, but the older man shook his head._

_"__Don't say anything boy." He said, demanding silence, not only with his words, but also his gaze. A gaze that told Harry to run, fast. _

_Harry couldn't move. Couldn't think. _

He wouldn't have, in a million years, thought he'd endure more pain at his uncle's hands than he had that day. And in a way, he hadn't. His mind had numbed to the pain, the disgrace, the way his body had been used. Abused. Harry groaned and rolled over. WHY?! Why couldn't he just forget?! Just leave his mind behind. It's not like he had anything to look forward to. The Dursley's was the only place he could go. Nor did anyone have any reason not to send him there. He had basically asked for it when he led Sirius to where he was. No! He would not think of Sirius now. Not now. A shot of pain went through Harry's heart. One he had felt many times since Sirius's death. He just didn't have the strength.

"Boy." A voice stated from Harry's door and Harry felt a shiver, a whimper as he tried to close his mind as the supposed "guardian" walked into his room to do unmentionable things.

Severus glared at Dumbledore, a common face among the two as Dumbledore's eyes glinted. "Don't question me Severus. You know Harry needs somebody to talk to after all that's happened."

"What makes you think that somebody is me?" Severus asked, pure venom in his voice as he crossed his arms. It wasn't like he should have to look after anyone, let alone Dumbledore's golden-boy. Why couldn't he just do that himself?

As if to answer his unasked question Dumbledore tilted his head. "The boy has had much happen to him, much of which I feel is my fault and I am sure he places the blame on me as well. Nobody else has the knowledge of all he has been through. You've been around Voldemort. Not many can say the same. He could use your help… your strength. I am not asking you to take him in. He still needs to be at his Aunt and Uncle's, but he could use a mentor. Someone older he can trust."

"He doesn't feel he can trust me Albus!" Severus scoffed, his eyes wide. "Don't you think he'll hate me for the way I've treated him?! It's not like I didn't mean any of it Albus. And unlike you, he knows that. I don't like your _golden-boy._ Nor will I treat him special just because he is supposed to be our savior. If anything, you're filling his head with nonsense. He likely won't be the one to save us at all. It would be more likely someone from the Ministry kills Voldemort before that boy even has the chance to."

Dumbledore looked downcast at the words of his potion master. "I believe that you have less faith than the rest of us, that is true. However, you are the one of very few I could trust with Harry's sanity. He's already had to deal with Voldemort on multiple occasions that if I could replace him with anyone else I would. He doesn't deserve to have seen the death and destruction that someone like that can cause. I do have faith and trust in him to be our savior because of that, yes. However, the point you are not seeing is that if he does not get the help he needs because of what he has seen, he could become just like the one who created such sadness in him. Death and destruction are not new to him, but if he starts to see the wizarding world as dangerous as one has made him seem, he could become the next dark lord. And why shouldn't he? He's had to live, learning that death and hurting is all life is about. I am just glad that every summer he is able to go to the Muggle world and live in peace."

Severus sighed, seeing a point. Why wouldn't Harry see the Wizarding world as completely evil? Perhaps **_he_** as Harry's most negative experience at the school, could prove to Harry that the thought of such is wrong. And if that's not how Harry is feeling, then at least he can find some new ways to torment the boy and make a good time of it.

"I'll do it." Severus said, rolling his eyes. "I'll go there tomorrow and give Potter the chance to talk… if he wants to."

The next day Severus made his way along a Muggle neighborhood in Muggle clothing. His hair was slicked to one side. He grimaced at himself in the mirror that morning. How muggles could wear such things, he would never know. The leggings… jeans(?) were riding up in a very uncomfortable way. The dark black shirt went all the way up his neck. It was long sleeved, which was perfect for hiding his wand. He grinned, glad he thought ahead.

As he reached the number 4, he noticed the car outside. He decided he would rather wait til they left. He went over to a curb and sat down, pulling out a book of potions. It was blank on the outside, which made it an easy pick no matter what type of neighborhood he was in. The lights in the house across from him were on, so he had no doubt that someone was up and about. He stuck his nose in the book.

Harry kept checking around the corner as he made breakfast. No one was up yet. He suddenly felt a sharp, burning pain on his hand and pulled away from the stove. "Fuckin' ay." He blew on the part of his hand he'd burned and felt tears in his eyes. "Goddamit'. I have more strength than that." Today, however, he didn't. He could barely think. That's why when his uncle came down less than a minute later, he didn't cringe away from the slap he knew was coming. And it came fast and hard. It threw him several feet away.

"Dammit boy! What's wrong with you! Trying to burn my house down?" Vernon spat, looking at the food Harry was now too far from to do anything. The food had started to burn.

"I-I'm sorry Uncle." Harry spoke silently, looking down, knowing it was useless. He had awoken a beast that could only be tamed one way. Vernon grabbed the pot off the stove and threw it at Harry, the burning metal catching his cheek. Harry scrambled to reach up and grab it, to keep it from hitting elsewhere. He caught it just before it fell to the floor. The food had already hit the floor. He would be punished for that later. With his empty hand, he reached up and felt a boil forming along his cheek. It was his own fault. He kept his eyes on the pan in his hand. He imagined throwing it back at his uncle. Knocking some sense into the bastard. He then sighed, knowing that wouldn't do any more than make him angrier.

Petunia was standing at the stairs, looking at him with a venom that he could feel from across the house. He shuddered when he looked up. He knew "Sorry" wouldn't cover the damage he had done. Pissing off his uncle was not only punishment for him, but the entire family. He grimaced and waited to be told what to do. The best case would be telling him to remake the meal he had ruined. Worst case… being sent to his room for the day. Because being sent back there would mean only one thing.

Vernon looked back and saw his wife. "Would you like to go out to eat before I go to work Darling? You and Dudley could go to the mall to look at clothes if you want and I could pick you up after."

Petunia nodded. "I'll go get dressed and wake up our Duddlykins." She said with a smile that would make Harry puke if he had anything in his stomach to puke up. Vernon nodded and looked back at Harry. "Eat up your mess boy. Then go spend the day in the cupboard and think about what you did." _The cupboard!_ Harry would have grinned if he didn't know better. He nodded without looking up. "Yes Uncle."

"And Harry…" The use of his name made him look up from pure shock. "I think you need to clean up your act before you show others that I have treated you any different. Don't look at me anymore. Your lust for me shows through when you do."

LUST! Harry blinked and looked down. No! He couldn't… He would never have looked at his uncle with any look other than disgust. He frowned, but knew better than to say anything. His uncle kept going though. "I promise that I won't tell anyone what we've done, but you had best keep up on your best behavior boy."

Harry could feel himself shaking. He was disgusted and sick to his stomach. He wouldn't eat the food he'd been alloted, despite having not eaten for over a day. He knew he would never stomach it after what he'd just heard. He just nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. As much as he wanted love and attention, he never would have asked that of Vernon. So what made Vernon state as though he had? Harry could feel tears in his eyes. He didn't want to ever lust after anyone if Vernon assumed he had with him. Harry walked over to the sink and dunk the pan in the water. There was steam as the hot pan hit the water. Harry ignored it, knowing his Uncle's eyes were still on him. _Please leave. _His mind begged. He just couldn't handle his uncle being around after his little speech.

He heard footsteps come closer, which made him jump. He felt an arm wrap around his waist. "Don't worry boy, I won't let anyone know you're gay… unless you want them to."

Harry pulled away and looked his Uncle straight in the eyes and said in a growling voice. "Don't you dare touch me! You've been touching me wrong for almost a year! I don't like it and definitely don't lust after you, you fat bastard!" Harry saw his hand moving up to slap him. Harry grabbed the hand and bent the fingers the wrong way. "You won't touch me ever again!" Harry heard snapping in the fingers he was holding, and saw the face of his Uncle getting brighter red, almost purple. Suddenly he let out a sharp wail. Harry took that chance to run to the cupboard that used to be his safety net and would be again. He knew that it locked on the inside and even if it didn't, his Uncle couldn't fit in there if he tried. He ran to it and locked it behind him, curling up into a corner.

For a while he heard his Uncle slamming on the door, banging with what Harry assumed was his other hand. But then it stopped. Harry closed his eyes, allowing darkness as he fell asleep in the peace of his little cupboard.

"Fucking bastard child!" A gruff voice said coming from the house. Snape looked up and noticed that the man was holding his hand in a white pack. Likely an ice-pack by the looks of it. "I swear to the Gods' if that child isn't the devil's spawn himself…" His voice disappeared into the back of the car as his wife got into the front, as the driver. His son got in the other side in the front.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Potter needs help. Potter needs a mentor. Idiot that Dumbledore is, he probably didn't even realize that Potter was torturing his muggle relatives. If anything, Potter was gonna become a dark lord to Muggles instead. It wasn't as if he was any better that that.

Snape scowled and made his way towards the house as the car took off, taking a still yelling fat man away. He reached to take the knob and found it unlocked. He rolled his eyes. So the golden-boy was protected from.. what? Shaking his head Snape made his way in and looked around. In the kitchen was a bit of a mess. It looked like someone had dropped food and left it there.

"Potter?" He called after closing the door and then mentally slapped himself. Why would Potter answer him of all people? He had to be here though, from what the grown man had said. He sighed and pulled out his wand. Closing his eyes he concentrated on an image of the boy. Sparks flew forward and to the left. He walked that way and noticed a doorway under the stairs. "Potter?" He said again, stupidly as he reached and tried to open the door, only to find it locked.

{Harry could barely make out the sounds and shapes of his dream. All he knew was that he felt a calming peace surrounding him. Unlike his previous dreams, this one seemed to calm his core. He could feel the presence of all he had lost. Sirius was standing at his side, smiling at him. He grinned at him, so very happy to see familiarity. His heart fluttered and in a moment the peace was lost as a veil appeared behind the elder man and a hand pushed him through. Harry looked down, realizing it was his own. "NO!" Harry's dream self crumbled. Crumbled as the dream around him turned red. Bright red as the anger inside of him threatened to come from within himself. He screamed, allowing his anger, his frustrations to surface.}

Severus covered his ears as a scream pierced his heart. He had never heard such pain from anyone before. No matter how many times he'd been put under cruciatus, he still could not fathom the pain from the scream. He cast a spell on the door to open it wide. There was a light on the ceiling. He quickly turned it on and found himself looking at the source of agony. The boy he had tormented all these years… scratches and bruises along his arms and a particularly nasty burn across his face. Severus' eyes were wide and he knelt down. He needed to wake to boy. "Potter!"

The boy stopped screaming instantly and shivered, curling up. "I-I'm sorry Uncle." He said quietly. He curled even tighter. Severus frowned. "Potter, it's not your uncle."

Harry looked up and then quickly looked away. "Go away!"

"Potter, what the hell happened to you?" The potion master reached out to place a calming hand on his shoulder, from which the boy recoiled without thought.

"Fuck off Snape. Go back to the snake pit you belong in."

It took a lot of energy for Snape not to slap potter's head for his insolence. _Fuck. Am I feeling sorry for the little snot?_ He shook off the feeling and sighed. "I-I'm here to help you Potter. In order to do that, I need to know what the fuck happened."

Harry, still wrapping his arms around himself, shivered. "None of your business. Go back and tell Dumbledore what they all tell him. I'm fine. I'm safe here."

"They all…" Snape frowned. "Who else has seen you like this?"

"No one!" Harry glared, looking up at Snape with seething anger. "No one actually cares! They look at the house. At the perfect family. And they leave with great news for anyone who cares to listen."

"I…" Snape was speechless. No matter what he said, the boy was obviously set in his views. And for once, Snape thought he had a right to be. "Potter, will you please look at me?"

Harry looked up, keeping his eyes downcast, but even though he couldn't see the eyes, he could tell that Harry was still angry. "Potter, tell me the truth. What is going on here?"

"What's going on here is that I have been living like a fucking slave. I have lived like a dog in a kennel in this cupboard until I was 12. I lived in a bedroom that feels like a cell ever since. I get told that I am nothing more than "the boy" and if I ever tried to fight that, then I would probably be kicked out and no longer under the protection I supposedly need." Severus listened, a frown forming at hearing him describe his living situation. "I've been beaten, bruised, starved and…" Harry's eyes went wide as if he just realized something and he gasped, then closed his mouth. "I-I'm fine." He said as soon as he opened it again.

Snape rose a brow. "You're obviously not. I won't push you, but among the things you've said, I know you're telling the truth. And it's obviously not in anyone's best interest to keep you here."

"W-what do you mean? The protection…"

"Only works if you feel protected here Potter. If you have been feeling like this place is unsafe, then the protection no longer applies. Your mother would never have wanted you trapped, starved, and hurt. Had Dumbledore known how you felt, you would have been in a new home."

Harry frowned at the realization… He could have been free of this long ago. He could have spared himself from… everything. Harry closed his eyes and saw the darkness. Oh, if only. He sighed. "Well, don't I feel like an idiot."

It took all Snape's energy not to make a condescending remark to this. He just shrugged it off and looked down. "I can't leave you here Potter. Besides, I was sent here to get you to talk to someone. If you want…" Snape cringed as the words made their way to his mouth. "I'd like you to move in with me."

Harry looked up at him in surprise. "Really?!"

Snape couldn't help it as he rolled his eyes. "Well, I obviously can't leave you here Potter."

Harry shrunk down. He'd probably been hurt by the sarcasm in the voice. Not that Snape could help it. He'd put up with stupid students all his life. And Potter had been one of them. Well, perhaps not stupid. It's not like Snape gave him a chance to be good at potions ever. In fact, he'd decided on day 1 that Harry-the-famous-bastard Potter wasn't going to become good at anything else under his watch. Perhaps that had been a downfall of his, but he wasn't going to feel bad for that now. He needed to make the boy believe he wanted him to move in. "Besides, I usually don't have anyone around during the summer. It might be a nice change. I live at Hogwarts…" He said, knowing that may make the boy agree easier.

Harry rose an eye, surprised. "I-Why do you live at Hogwarts?"

Snape frowned, not really wanting to give too much away to this boy. But since he'd been so honest with him, he decided it couldn't hurt. "Dumbledore decided it was the safest place for me when I wasn't spying on Voldemort." He cringed, very slightly and hoped that the boy hadn't seen it. It seemed he hadn't. Harry just nodded and looked down. "I guess I could move back to Hogwarts… but… my stuff." Harry frowned at the realization that he didn't know where any of his magical items were. Had his uncle thrown them out? It wouldn't surprise him.

"Where is it?" Snape asked, and looked around. "In your room?"

"Hedwig is." Harry said and Snape could see the frown the other wore. "I-I don't know where my other stuff is." Snape grinned and held up his wand. "Accio Potter's wand." At that, the other boy's wand rushed to meet his hand, but not before making noise on the way. It had broken out of something. A cupboard perhaps? He made his way over to the kitchen and noticed broken glass and frowned. Somewhere outside it seems. He walked over to the back door and made his way down some steps into the back yard where he saw a small wand-shaped hole in the ground. The idiot man had buried Harry's things?

Snape frowned slightly and looked around. There was too much around for him to use magic to get it out. He'd have to do it the old fashioned way. He walked back into the house. "Potter, where's a shovel?"

Harry got up from the spot he hadn't moved from since Snape had arrived and made his way over to where Snape was, keeping an eye on the Potion Master very closely as he did so and walked around him to the shed on the side of the house. He carried the shovel over and looked up expectantly. Awaiting instruction. Snape shook his head. "Bring it to me Potter." He said, in his usual annoyed tone. Harry quickly walked over and handed Snape the shovel before taking a step back.

Snape walked over to the small thin part in the dirt and stuck the shovel down. About that time he heard a car in the driveway. "Fuck!" Potter squealed and ran back to the cupboard under the stairs. Snape blinked quickly before he knew what had happened. He heard the loud mouthed bastard in the home.

"What were you doing out of the cupboard boy? And why did you leave the door…" Vernon noticed the man in the backyard and growled. "One of them, eh?" He growled and slammed the door. Snape raised an eye. _One of them? A wizard?_ Snape frowned and made his way to the door, wand at his side. The door was locked as he reached it, but locks weren't a deterrent to Snape. He heard the click of the door under the spell and opened the door. "Excuse me!" Snape said, looking up at the Muggle, trying to break into the door under the stairs. "Stay away from him, Dursley!"

He held up his wand and heard a scream from his side. "Shut up, Muggle Bitch!" He stared at her with pure hatred. "You couldn't even take care of your Nephew. Why should I be kind to you?" She started to shiver and ran behind her fat husband. At least she had some sense.

Vernon shrunk back slightly away from the door. "D-don't threaten me in my house!" He growled.

"Don't threaten the boy then." Snape said with as much menace as he could manage. Snape cringed suddenly, realizing Potter had said he'd been called "the boy" his whole childhood. He'd have to watch himself if he wanted Potter's trust. "Potter should have had love in this house, protection and caring. Instead he had to come to a place he can't stand."

"You don't know shit!" Vernon yelled. "The way that boy treats us is horrible. Always threatening us with his magic. The way he never does what he's told. The way he looks at me with lust…" Vernon grinned with a sly grin and Snape's stomach did a small lurch. _Please no. _He thought to himself.

He raised his wand and knocked the three out, erasing their memory of when he was here. He lurched over, holding himself steady for a moment, trying not to hurl. He closed his eyes and straightened himself. He went over to the cupboard under the stairs. "Potter…"

He could hear crying from within. "Potter… we need to talk. Not now. But I need you to come with me. We're grabbing your stuff and then leaving. You won't ever have to come back. I promise."

Harry whimpered and opened the door. "I-It's not true." The tears running down his face told Snape more than he wanted to know. He felt murderous and knew he needed to leave the house now. "I know." Snape said. "We should go."

Harry nodded but would not look up as the potion master led him out of the house to go unbury his stuff before leaving the house forever and not looking back.

_How could he say that shit in front of Snape._Harry felt a heaviness in his chest as he watched the greasy man unbury his stuff. He felt respect for him, believing him. He just hoped that the "talk" Snape wanted, didn't involve the comment, but he knew better. He shivered and looked down.

"Ready to go Potter?" Snape asked, snapping Harry from his mind. Harry nodded and stood up and was about to ask how they were going to get to Hogwarts when Snape pulled out a small flask. Inside was a thimble. A portkey? Harry frowned, wondering how close they would have to be to touch such a small object. His back clenched at the thought, sending a sharp pain through his shoulder blades. He didn't like being close to people. Even Ron and Hermione, who didn't seem to notice the 5 foot distance between them when they were walking together. For the most part, the two were more interested in each other. He knew that sooner or later, the attraction between them would become more. He shivered as he walked over to where Snape stood. He motioned for Harry to put his hand next to his, which he did so that the thimble would fall in both of their hands at the same time.

There was a sickening feeling in Harry's stomach as he was lurched out of the Dursley's lawn and he landed in a dark room. Severus lifted a lighter-looking thing, which put on the lights in the room. "Welcome to my humble abode." Severus said and walked over to a couch in the center of the room. There were two staircases behind them and beside them doors. Harry frowned. Where was he in the castle?

As if to answer his unasked question Snape looked up. "We are in one of the towers near the Slytherin corridors. It used to be one of the founder's. I guess they thought it was the most homey." Snape shrugged as if he wouldn't know. "Feel free to look around Potter. The second bedroom is on the right stairwell. There's a bathroom connected to it as well, should you want to relax. And it does lock." Snape mentioned, making Harry blush slightly. No matter what Snape's reason for mentioning that bit of info, it made him feel much better, knowing he could lock himself away if he wanted.

"Need anything Potter?" Snape asked, watching his face with curiosity. Harry shook his head and ran up to the second bedroom, leaving all his stuff but his wand on the floor in the living area. He could grab it later.

Snape sighed and rested his back on the couch. He knew he'd have to go back to the house and get the owl, but that could wait until he calmed down. Besides, he wasn't sure, no matter how safe Potter seemed, it would be a good idea to leave Potter alone right now. What if he wanted to talk? Or just needed him here to yell at. Snape knew how that was. And he would be there, no matter what Potter needed. He sighed slightly and kept picturing the fat fuck's grin. If that meant what he thought, Potter was going to need more than just someone to talk to. _Perhaps…_ Snape thought._I could let him hurt me if it would make him feel better. Not harming to a point of danger, but I know how much I wish I'd had an outlet when I was younger. At least Potter is away from that now. However Dumbledore will need to know sooner or later._ That was not a conversation Snape was looking forward to at all.

A/N: If you read all of this, whoo! That means I at least kept you interested this far! I hope you'll read on! Please feel free to leave a comment. Positives and negatives allowed. If I never get any negatives, how can I improve? Would people prefer this story to end as Harry/Snape or Harry/Draco? I have ideas going either way :) I hope you enjoy it


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Talks and Tarts

A/N: I do not own the characters. The wonderful J.K Rowling does

A/N 2: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I get so lost sometimes when I don't get reviews ;-;

Snape watched the door in the quiet. Potter hadn't come out of the room in almost 2 days. Snape would be forced to take action if Potter didn't start coming down for his necessities. Food, attention, whatever the soon to be sixth year needed. He wasn't alone. He had to get that through his thick skull. Severus sighed and frowned at himself. He needed to keep his temper in check if he wanted to get on Potter's good side, that's for sure.

Maybe a bit of potion-making would do him some good. He could make one of the harder potions he was going to test his students with this year and see what could get the fifth and sixth years complaining. Oh, he knew they would. They always did. But this year he was going to be a bit more prepared.

"Potter, if you need anything I will be back shortly!" Snape made sure to yell up to the closed door. Despite the fact that Potter hadn't come down yet, he didn't want Potter to think he'd abandoned him. Course why he cared was still beyond him. He wasn't supposed to be Harry's guardian this year. Hell, he still hadn't told Dumbledore that he'd absconded with Harry in the first place. And quite honestly, the less Dumbledore knew, the better. It's not like he'd ever gone to visit the boy himself, that much was apparent.

Snape rounded a corner, glad that for the most part the castle was quiet. A few of the portraits were muttering around him, but he ignored them. He still couldn't get his head around the conundrum that was Potter. First the boy says he is abused, but then he doesn't immediately seek attention? The boy who lived was supposed to be this strong, defiant boy that Snape had loved picking on because he was spoiled. Apparently he'd been wrong about that. Still, if he wanted to change his views on Potter, he'd really need to get to know him… which meant talking, as Dumbledore had already ordered. He'd certainly talk to Potter. He needed to know everything that had happened.

"Snape, my dear boy…" _Ugh, not now!_ "How did the meeting with Potter go? Did you boys talk?"

"Yes." Snape drawled, keeping uninterested eyes. "It went about as well as it could. Potter was ever the talker." He rolled his eyes for effect.

"Good, good!" Dumbledore smiled, absent-minded, unaware. "Where are you off to?"

"Getting some potion ingredients. I figured I'd get some ideas for my students in before the year starts."

"Well, you have plenty of time for that dear boy. May we have a chat in my office?"

Did he not want the ghosts to overhear? He frowned, slightly, but not enough for the older man to notice. "Of course."

He followed along, his robe sweeping behind him as he turned smoothly to follow the elder man. Dumbledore led him to the office and then shut the door behind them. "I've heard from a trusted source that Potter is not coming out of the house. I will need you to check on him again. I fear he may try something stupid, like plotting going to the Weasleys. I've warned them not to try to give Harry hope that he could stay there, but the Weasley boy he hangs with does not heed warnings very well. Harry is supposed to get used to not depending on his friends, as he really cannot for the war. Is this something you can chat with him about. Make sure he does not try to rely on them?"

Severus scoffed. "What am I Dumbledore, a babysitter? Potter was fine. Did you ever think that maybe he just wants to stay safe within his home?" Technically the castle gave a good definition of a home. When Snape was growing up he often viewed the castle as his home because of how his home life was. It was obvious that Potter could feel the same about it, right?

"I suppose you're right Severus. Still, I'd appreciate if you'd check up on him. Talk to him. I've been intercepting the young Weasley's mail so Harry will not get false hope, but I do not want him to give up hope. Give him a friend. Just be there for him. I don't expect you to care for the boy… just… care for the wizarding world as you have been. Do what needs done for the right side." Dumbledore grinned a smile that Severus would rip off if he wasn't better trained. That bastard thought honestly that keeping Harry from his friends was the best thing for him? How would he feel if he was in the same position?

"I will do my best." Severus said, no lie in his eyes or voice. He would take care of Potter, better than the old duff was. "May I go get my potion stuff now?"

"Of course dear boy. Enjoy your day." Dumbledore grinned with a twinkle in his eye.

Severus nodded and walked out. He needed to keep himself from hurting or yelling at the manipulative old man. If it wasn't for the fact that he didn't trust Voldemort and his side, he wouldn't have joined Dumbledore's without a fight. The elder man was just as.. if not more manipulative than Voldemort. The problem was, he was so certain it was for the greater good.

Snape shook his head which was beginning to ache. How he hated when Dumbledore tried to manipulate him. He knew what he was doing and he could easily have made Potter break in whatever way Dumbledore needed if he wanted to… but unknown to everyone but him, Potter was already broken. And Severus was honestly worried that the boy was beyond able to be fixed. He sighed and finally made his way into the closet that held some of his potions ingredients. He grabbed a few items, then walked into the potions lab to grab the rest.

He sighed for a moment, placing the items on the desk before him and looking forward. Within a couple months, there would be students here willing to learn happily. There would be young minds to teach and to mold. He was just glad that he was the teacher and not Dumbledore. Could you imagine the army Dumbledore could form if he tried?

He shook his head, blazing pain going through his head. He'd had migraines before and he hated them. He headed over to a cupboard to grab an essence to help his pain. He hated the need to trust in potions and spells with some of his ailments, but that's why he'd become a potions master of course. He needed to be able to trust who made his potions. Who could you trust if not yourself?

He waited a few moments before downing the essence and closed his eyes, allowing a minute for the potion to take effect. As soon as he began to feel the tension release he grabbed the vials and items again and took off towards his tower. His tower… he grinned at the thought. He would never deny that he didn't have the purest blood, like Voldemort, who could claim his lineage back to Salazar Slytherin. However he could say that he'd lived in this school, taken it as his home. It was as much his home as the student's.

Snape was almost back to the tower when he caught sight of a ghost following him. He glared at them, which caused whoever it was to run off in a different direction. He grinned. It was part of his Slytherin nature, to prefer the peace of being alone. The other part of that being that nobody trusted him, ghosts or humans alike. For the most part, Severus enjoyed that he could intimidate others with nothing more than a glare. Sometimes, it hurt his image though. Yes he was strong-willed, intimidating, and hard on students, but he was also lonely at times. He didn't have any friends. Despite how much he'd helped the light side, no one ACTUALLY trusted him. It was infuriating, to risk your life and then have nobody understand that it meant that was the side he was on.

"Ugh!" Severus threw the door open and made his way over to the long table in the dining room, setting up his potions equipment. He began to mumble to himself uselessly. Nothing he could say would make him feel better. No one understood him and no one cared to. "If they wanted me to be the loner who betrays them, then perhaps that's who they will get!"

He didn't notice the brown haired boy watching him from the top of the stairs, frowning. He wasn't liking how Severus was talking to himself. He walked quietly down the stairs, not wanting to disturb the potions master as he got even more frustrated. He picked up more ingredients and continued to working on his potion. Harry made his way over to the table, just watching what Severus was doing. Severus didn't seem to really notice him anyways.

When Snape finally looked up he frowned, looking at Harry. "Enjoying the lesson Potter?" He asked, scathing.

Harry raised his eyes, frowning, not sure how to respond. "I-sorry. Are… are you ok Professor?"

"Articulate Potter. Very. No wonder you have so many friends." Severus growled, not enjoying the fact that Potter had been spying on him. Harry looked as though he'd been slapped. He looked like he was about to run upstairs, but Severus reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I-I didn't mean that Potter. I'm… sorry." God how he hated to apologize. He frowned. "I am fine Potter."

Harry nodded but kept his frown on. He still looked hurt. "I am going to go to bed."

"Wait Potter. You need to eat." Snape said indignantly. "I obviously need a break anyways."

Harry sighed and nodded. "Fine."

Snape smiled slightly. Small victories. He nodded to Harry to go up to the room for a bit and called for a house elf. "Yes, Mr. Snape sir?"

"I need some food. Preferably something more filling. Perhaps enough for a couple of days? Treacle tarts as well if you have them. And firewhisky as well please." He said, thinking of himself for once.

The little houself nodded. "Of course Mr. Snape." With a poof she was gone. Within minutes she reappeared with a tray of food. "Here you go sir. Does Master Snape need anything else?"

"That is good Tricie." Snape said with a small sigh. "Thank you."

For the moment he knew that he would eat enough to last him through tomorrow. He looked upstairs where Potter had obviously been listening from behind the door because as soon as the houself left, Potter was making his way down the stairs.

"Firewhisky?" Harry asked with a grin.

Severus frowned. "That's for me." Harry nodded but the small smile on his face that was beginning to fade was enough to melt Severus' heart some. "You can have a small bit."

Harry grinned a bit wider which made Snape's heart flutter. Potter would be the death of him. He smiled. Or something damn near.

Harry pulled a chair up to the dinner table, which Snape brought the food over to. "Looks like she brought up some meat pies, some sandwiches and treacle tarts for dessert."

Harry looked up wide eyed, surprise in them. "I hope that's not all for tonight. I'm not that hungry."

"You wouldn't be, would you? How often did you eat at home Potter?" Harry bit his lip, keeping himself from speaking. Snape growled. "How much Potter?"

It was obvious the boy didn't eat enough. He was skinny in a way that screamed anorexic. He worried for him. And if it had anything to do with those damn muggles...

"I-" Harry shrugged, as if it made it less of a big deal. "Probably twice a week… maybe less?"

"Fucking muggles." Snape growled and stood up. He wanted to go kill them. Potter put a hand on his arm.

"Please don't…" He begged, voice and eyes pleading.

What was Potter, a seer? He growled. "You're never going back there Potter, I can promise you that. Eat what you can."

Harry nodded, looking grateful that Snape actually listened to him. It was a nice change from what he was used to. He grabbed a treacle tart and chewed on it, surprisingly hungry enough to finish something he enjoyed. It was one of the treats they had at Hogwarts that he never tired of. Pumpkin pastries and the like were good enough, but Harry tired of them because they served them far too often. He couldn't say the same about Treacle tarts. Harry was beginning to get full though. He was afraid of what Snape would say, but he seemed to understand well enough. He sat back in the chair, done eating. Snape poured him a glass of Firewhisky. "Didn't want you to have any on an empty stomach."

He grinned happily and took the glass, sipping it. He sputtered it out. "Ugh!" Harry frowned and closed his eyes, taking another sip. This made Snape grin happily.

"Not too bad then, huh?" He asked, poking a bit of fun at Potter.

Harry shrugged and drank it up. "Thanks for the food and drink professor. I do think it's time for bed though."

Snape nodded. "Sleep well Potter."

Harry walked up the stairs, but unknown to the elder professor couldn't keep his eyes off of the elder man, watching him with curiosity. What did the elder man want with him. Unlike… his uncle… Harry groaned at the thought, Snape didn't try to get him drunk or do anything to him. In fact, Snape was being kinder to him than he had ever been. It caused Harry to spend that night in thought.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I do not own the characters. The wonderful J.K Rowling does

A/N 2: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I get so lost sometimes when I don't get reviews ;-;

Chapter 3: The nightmare revealed

Severus heard Harry in his bathroom later in the night, puking up the small bit he had eaten. He frowned, a knowing to his thoughts. If Harry couldn't handle that little bit of food, they had a lot of progress they still had to make. For all he knew, Harry couldn't handle much of anything. The little bit of alcohol, the food, the thoughts of being in the same living environment as a Professor he hated. Snape growled and lay his head back on the pillow. It wasn't like he was trying to spy on Potter, but the layout had the bathroom very near where Snape's bed was. He hadn't planned on the other room being used, so that made things far more interesting. He'd do some rearranging the next day if he had anything to say about it.

Harry's room finally quieted a bit after about an hour of the other suffering who knows what. Of course Snape didn't want to give Potter pity eyes the next day. Little that boy needed, he didn't need or want Pity. Snape, of anyone, knew that much.

He fell into a fitful sleep, knowing that his head was filled with thoughts he didn't want to think about. It caused nightmares he'd had many times throughout his life. Little need to say, the next morning, Snape would still be his grouchy bastard self.

Harry however was having trouble falling asleep. He wanted to know why Snape had been so kind to him. Perhaps just because he felt bad for him, though Harry sincerely hoped that was not the case. He actually hoped that Snape would treat him how he always had. Could he now, after what he sensed and knew from that visit? Could he go back to being the git Harry knew and actually liked? Harry sure hoped so. He heard a bit of thumping from the other room and worried he was talking out loud. He rolled over and fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

The next morning, neither talked about what they heard, but they both had thoughts on each other. It was hard not to. But Snape wasn't about to break the silence that morning. Potter would talk when he felt like it, not because he'd forced him to. Plus, Snape wasn't even the least bit sure of how to bring up the fact that he felt Harry needed to talk.

Harry sat in a chair, reading one of the Potion Master's books, which was an unusual hobby for the boy, but at least Potter was out of the room. Snape lay across the couch and pretended to read, but in reality his eyes were closed. He was trying to get visions of his father out of his head. Why did, when he thought of abuse, he had to think of that piece of crap muggle. Maybe because Potter's Uncle did have some painfully obvious similarities to the man. The smirk, the antagonizing glares and use of "the boy" as if any child who wasn't perfect in your eyes qualified under that nickname.

"Hey Potter," Snape said, surprising Harry by breaking the silence. "Would you want to go out to the Forbidden Forest and help me get some potions Ingredients?"

Harry looked surprised, but more than happy by the idea of getting out and not being so cooped up as the layout had begun to become. As much as both of them liked privacy, they didn't exactly get that in their part of the castle since they shared the space. And since Snape didn't want Dumbledore knowing of Potter's being here, there was only one place he thought of Harry could go on the ground without having to explain the boys' presence. Harry nodded. "I wouldn't mind that."

Snape nodded. "There's stairs that go from this tower down to the main grounds. We can make our way across them to the forbidden forest pretty simply. We have a few things to discuss and honestly, it's getting very cramped up here for either of our liking. Am I right?"

Harry nodded, looking relieved that he wasn't the one saying something. It hadn't even been a week and the two weren't exactly known to have the best relationship as it was. Then with them being stuck in a part of the castle together... well, anyone could have guessed that they'd not be in an entirely happy situation as such. "I am going to go grab my wand." Harry said, enjoying the idea of getting out, but the forbidden forest was still forbidden for a reason.

Snape nodded and watched the boy run off to his room. It was a bit before Harry got back to the point that he was worried that Potter had changed his mind. "Was your wand hidden Potter?" Snape asked, rolling his eyes.

"N-no." Harry looked regretful for having taken so long. "Sorry professor."

Snape looked at the young boy and frowned. He needed to be nicer to Potter to gain his trust, but with his incompetence, that would be a bit hard. "Let's go."

Snape lead the way to the forest, his eyes trailing behind him more often than not, watching between Potter and the school to make sure no unwanted eyes were watching. Mostly a certain seemingly-all-knowing pain in the butt Headmaster. It seemed he was still unaware however, which was what Snape wanted for the time being until he knew exactly what potter would prefer. After all, it was Potter's life that the Headmaster was always influencing. Snape felt a bit of relief as they entered the forest. He liked the enclosure because it felt like he could do anything here and nobody would ever know. Well, until now. Because Potter's eyes were currently on him and he was walking behind him in a very knowing way, as if he knew this forest as well as the Professor did. Hadn't he only had punishment here? It wasn't like this was an escape for Potter too.

Snape looked around and spotted the plant they needed to harvest, growing alongside a tree. "There Potter." He pointed to the plant and handed a tool to Harry. "This plant is going to be used in a potion this year. Do you know what the plant is?" He asked, trying to see if Potter could even comprehend what they were dealing with.

"It looks like Dittany to me Professor." Harry said, kneeling near the tree with the tool, carefully pulling the roots from the bark of the tree, breaking the bark off the tree where needbe, and careful not to remove the roots. Snape was surprised both by the knowledge of the plant as well as the meathod the younger man showed.

"Very good Potter. Had you removed the roots, it would have given off all the flammable vapors it had absorbed. It doesn't feel threatened this way. You've worked with the plant before Potter?"

Harry's cheeks turned pink and he frowned. "Not really sir." Harry said. "The book I picked from your shelves described a bit about the plant. I figured it was better to be safe than sorry."

"Well, at least you got that right Potter. We need to find about 3 bags of this." He said and took the plant from Harry, placing it in a bag. "I think we should split up to find it."

Harry nodded. "Well, since I know what I am looking for, I think I can do so."

Snape nodded and handed Harry a bag before he turned to go the opposite way from Harry, heading for a clearing that tended to have enough sunlight for Dittany to grow. It was a very picky plant in how it grew. Because it required specific conditions, it would be harder for them to find. And it was also pretty rare. Snape only ever took what he needed for the year, because if he took more, they would never have more for the next year. Healing Potions were useful to anyone, but for someone like Potter, it probably meant more than just someone who lived a normal witch or wizard life.

Potter had to deal with the pain and suffering that Voldemort put on them all, but he specifically had dealt with more pain and suffering than most, being in the household he'd lived in. It made Snape wonder if he'd mislabeled the boy so many years ago. He'd thought that Potter would never understand the pain and suffering that made someone like Voldemort or even Snape himself, to turn against his kind. By knowing the pain and suffering, you could actually put yourself in their place and understand why they would do the things they do. 'Like joining the Death Eaters at such a young age.' Snape thought with a frown.

That had been Snape's downfall in his mind. He'd turned his back on his only friend and thought he was doing it for the better. Now he knew better, and maybe Dumbledore had taught him the value of friends and family. It still wasn't something Snape was likely to ever have, but he still tried to live a decent life, proving that he wasn't purely evil.

Snape heard twigs snapping and his head popped up, looking towards a dark corner, frowning as he saw a creature move along the darkness and out of sight. He didn't know what it was, but it was hiding in the forest, which for creatures known and unknown was the perfect place to be. But that didn't help with the safety of the place. Snape decided it wasn't worth his thought though because it had chose to walk away itself. He made his way over to a patch of greenery, following a trail of plants that were not fully grown, therefor not useful at this time.

A scream burst through his thoughts as he'd gotten away from reality in looking for the plant and he frowned, running towards the sound of Potter, screaming. As he got closer he saw a human-like creature crouching over Harry, and Potter on the ground, writhing in pain and screaming. The creature hadn't noticed Snape yet, but Snape had pulled out his wand and sent out a lighting spell, to show whatever the creature was. Before the light could show the creature though, it was gone. Disappeared in a mere second, if that.

Snape quickly made his way over to Harry and knelt down to inspect the boy. His eyes traveled over the torn clothing and gashes on Harry's face and gashes as well as scars on his arms. "Potter!" He yelled, as Harry fought Snape touching him.

"Go away!" Harry begged, crying and curling up like a small child. "Please go away."

"It's gone Potter." Snape said and frowned as Harry avoided his eyes. He _knew_ it was not the creature.

"Go the hell away Snape." Harry froze and closed his eyes. "Please."

Snape stood up and moved a few feet. "Talk to me Potter. What did the creature do to you?"

Harry sat up and curled his arms around himself, shaking. "I-I don't know." Harry said after a minute, holding his legs to himself. "One minute I was walking around looking for the plant and the next I felt so much pain. My vision was gone and..." He stopped talking and looked down. "It wasn't real, was it?" Harry said with a frown. "It seemed like a nightmare."

Snape nodded and took a step closer, but Harry scooted back in return. This caused Snape to stop and look at Harry with a small bit of pity, unsure of how to help. "Potter, it was real. I don't know what it was unfortunately. For all I know, the creature could be a nightmare come real. Creatures in this forest can do horrible things and unfortunately not all have categories. Perhaps we can find out more after a bit, but for now, I need to get you back to the castle."

Harry shook his head. "Please don't come closer." Harry begged, shaking. Snape frowned and nodded, kneeling down, making sure not to get any closer until Potter gave him permission. He took out his wand and placed a ward around them so he'd know if something came to near. "It's fine Potter. I placed a ward at a 25 foot radius so we'll know if anything comes by. Talk to me?" Snape knew he sounded scared, worried about the boy, but right now he didn't care. He was.

Harry was shaky and didn't talk for about five minutes, but when he did, it caused Snape's heart to constrict in his chest. Harry sounded so young and fragile. "I-it was holding me down with my own thoughts. Putting anything I fear into my head. Voldemort, abandonment, my uncle, you..." Harry said the last word so quietly Snape was positive he should never have heard it. Harry shivered but kept going. "I just... it's like it could put the things I fear and make them reality. It was like a dementor but worse." Harry frowned, keeping his arms around himself. "It was starting to physically harm me when you arrived." Harry frowned, feeling at a gash on his face. He closed his eyes. "Humilation, depression, nightmares all in one. If you need anything to describe it." Harry said and started shaking again. "I-I need to go back to my room." Harry's eyes begged, but his body was still wrapped around itself.

"Potter, I could carry you..." Snape said, letting the idea trail off, not sure what the boy wanted yet.

Harry shook his head. "I can get there myself. I just need..." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a shimery cloak and placed it around himself, causing him to disappear from sight. An invisibility cloak? Snape hadn't seen one so close in person, but he knew that's what Potter had. Had that been how his father had gotten away with so much trouble in their childhood? It would explain a hell of a lot to Snape, but he wasn't about to do the talking. Potter needed to talk. Snape heard a twig snap and followed the boy towards the castle. When they reached it, Snape saw Harry's head appear as he removed the hood of it, making their way up to the tower.

Harry removed it fully by the time they got up to their makeshift home and made his way towards his room. "Potter..." Snape said, loud enough to make Harry turn his head in Snape's direction, eyes blank, making the Potion Master's heart constrict in his chest. "I want you to come back down in a bit. We need to talk. I need to know..."

Harry nodded and then continued on his way up the stairs. All that was on Snape's mind was the tears, the cuts and the scars. Snape growled to himself. Potter was hiding the scars when Snape was around. That much was obvious. And the cuts were possibly made by the creature, or perhaps Harry was doing it himself. Snape needed to know if Potter was self-harming, because if he was, Snape would need to watch him even more carefully.

It was over an hour before Harry made his way back down, hair wet and combed back in a way the professor had never seen before. Who knew Potter's hair could look clean and tidy. Snape was sitting on the couch, waiting for Harry, when he came down. "Professor..." Harry started, as he sat himself in a chair. "I apologize for being so weak. I should never have let the creature get that close to me. And to not even think about my wand..."

"Potter, you got _Attacked_... In no way shape or form is any of this your fault. You shouldn't be apologizing. If anything, I should be. I led you to a dangerous area and then left you alone just to get something I needed done. I'm sorry."

Harry shook his head, but didn't say anything for a bit. Finally he looked up with an out of place smile on his face. "Thank you Professor. I appreciate the trust in me either way. I won't let you down next time."

"Potter, there won't be a next time. I won't put you in that dangerous of a situation again. I am not Dumbledore." Harry laughed at this, which caused Snape to look at him like he was deranged. "Potter, look at me." Harry stopped laughing and frowned. Snape stepped closer and put a hand out to Harry. "Come with me to the kitchen. I want to get you some food and we need to talk about this living situation."

Harry's face fell, but he did allow Snape to take his hand to lead him towards the kitchen. It was progress of course, or a fallback. Snape wasn't sure. Snape lead Harry over to the table and pulled out soup he had in the fridge, putting a small bowl in front of Harry. Harry placed the spoon in and stirred it around a bit and avoided looking at Snape at all costs. "In order to live here together, I need to know what's going on in your head Potter. I need to know what is going to set you off. And I need to know that whatever I say isn't going to cause you to harm yourself." Harry's eyes shot up, betraying his mask. "Yes, I know about the cutting Potter. Your arm is not covered in fresh cuts, but scars as well. I know you need relief Potter, but that is not the form it should take."

Harry growled. "Who are you to talk Snape!" He snapped, eyeing the Professor's arms. "I've seen scars on your arms. You think they're faded and hidden by your tattoo, but you know exactly why I find release in a blade!"

"I did cut Potter." Snape admitted, frowning as he heard his long-buried secret being said aloud. "When I was your age, I had no one to turn to. My parents were hateful, horrid beings who thought they could raise a child. My father abused me. My mother neglected me. I had no friends and in my mind, no family. I was picked on at school and I thought that the only escape I had was my mind." Snape looked into Harry's eyes, which were wide, revealing more pain than Snape had seen previous, because Potter had been trying to keep his mask up. The more he talked, the more it faded. "I found release in a blade for a couple of years, I'll admit, but then I found a mentor. It was my darkest days when I joined the Death Eaters. I was alone and desperate for any form of acceptance. I found that alone in Voldemort. It wasn't until years later I realized how desperate I was. I'd stopped cutting because my mentor decided that a better punishment would be the cruciatus. I found release in a new form of punishment. I disobeyed and got caught on purpose just to feel the punishment I felt I deserved. It's not something I feel anyone should ever go through. It caused permanent damage that until years later I wouldn't fully understand. Migraines and random pains that take more effect as the years go on." Harry looked concerned, but Severus didn't need Potter's sympathy. "I want you to find a different way to release your frustrations and pain Harry." Harry's eyes shot up at surprise of the potion Master using his first name. "I want you to, instead of hurting yourself, hurt me. I can take anything you can throw at me. I've been through worse, I can promise you. If you feel like taking a knife to your arm, pull out the wand and hurt me instead. I believe that you can find a more fulfilling release in that way."

"I won't hurt you professor."

"Harry," The emerald eyes shot straight at Snape's. "_this_ is causing me pain. To know that you believe cutting is the only answer. Perhaps in time you'll find something else, but until then, I need to know you are safe. Not for me, but for the light side." Harry cringed at these words, pain obvious in his face. Snape wasn't thinking about him. Of course not. Why would he have ever gotten in his head that he would.

"Fine." Harry said with a growl. "I'll agree to that."

Snape nodded and frowned. "There's more I need from you Potter." Back to Potter, was it? Harry sunk, feeling demoted. "I need you to come to me when you need to talk. You've been through a lot in the time you've had on this earth and honestly, I doubt you feel free talking to your friends about things that hurt you. I am an open ear. I won't make fun of you or use it against you, but I also won't judge you. I am someone who knows the pain of neglect and abuse. I can understand and be there as a..." Snape cringed slightly, adjusting from saying 'friend' to "mentor. I can be someone to help you if you need advice. I can be someone who will care for you and help you when you need it."

Harry nodded. "I appreciate the offer Professor. I will try. I can't promise that I want to talk about anything. I've never even talked to Dumbledore."

"Who would?" Snape said, not meaning to be sarcastic to Potter's way of speaking.

Harry just scoffed. "Did you?"

"I did what I felt necessary to show my loyalty to the right side Potter. I will admit to that. But I have never been as honest with anyone, not even your mother, until today." Snape said, keeping his head down, biting his lip to keep himself from saying something stupid.

"Well, I appreciate your honestly professor." Harry admitted, and sat back against his chair. He looked at the bowl of soup. "You gonna eat any?" He asked, stopping the conversation from going any further.

Snape growled and went over to grab a bowl for himself. This wouldn't be the end of the conversation with Harry. But for now, he just wondered what his nightmares would consist of tonight. Because the creature over Harry was one of the scariest things he'd ever lived through and that thought alone scared the living hell out of Snape.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: If I owned the characters, Harry's story would have started much later... and with some guy. So get over it XD I am not J.K Rowling, but I do love her characters!

A/N 2: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I get so lost sometimes when I don't get reviews ;-;

Chapter 4: Into the mind of the Great Harry Potter

Severus looked over his shoulder and noticed Potter with his head stuck in a book, muttering as he read. It was something Severus noticed Potter did a lot. It was a cute little trait that many would miss if they didn't watch him closely. "Anything good Potter?" Snape asked, snapping Potter back into reality.

"U-uhm sorry Professor. What?"

"Nothing Potter. Was just curious if the book was any good."

"I-it's interesting professor."

"Are you scared of me Harry?" Harry looked up with a frown, wondering what game his professor was playing at. Perhaps he was just seeing if he could cause Harry to break. Harry rolled his eyes. "Not at all Severus." Harry rolled his name out, causing the professor some discomfort. He didn't like Harry calling him by his first name. Though perhaps Potter felt the same way?

"When are we going to talk Potter?" Snape asked, crossing his arms, showing the younger boy that this time he wasn't going to let the subject go. Harry just sighed and lay his head back, groaning.

"You want me to talk professor?" He asked, sitting up and looking Snape in the eyes. "I think you heard enough. I think you already know more about me than anyone else. And yet you still want me to talk! I get that you think you have to take care of me professor, but I am just some mission to you. Another one of Dumbledore's tasks that he gives his followers and you'll listen because he's always right, right?! Well fuck that Professor. I am not just Dumbledore's golden boy. I am not just the boy-who-lived. I am Harry Potter. I am just a 15 year old boy with a scar on my head that means apparently I am under Dumbledore's control now."

"I-" Snape frowned and sat upright and looked at Harry. "You're not just someone to be used Potter, no matter what you may think. There's people around who care for you. You friends care about you."

"The same friends who won't write me. Who could care less that I am trapped in my Uncle's house with no contact for months. Oh yes, I feel so loved." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Listen Potter..." Snape frowned slightly. "I know it may not seem like it, but your friends do care. They may not be able to write as often as even they'd like."

"Oh, of course not!" Harry said and rolled his eyes. "I know all about Dumbledore's rules. My friends figured out ways past them long ago. They have ways to communicate with me if they want to. They chose not to this time Professor. And so I decided to return the favor."

"You decided not to write your friends because you thought they had abandoned you?" Snape asked, concerned with the boy's reaction to how he dealt with his friends. It seemed like something Snape would have done.

"Among other reasons." Harry said and shrugged. He sighed and hugged his legs to himself, which concerned Snape in itself.

"Like?"

"They were like family to me. The Weasley's, Granger, Longbottom even." He laughed menacingly. "Then things began to change between us in the last couple of years. They began to distance themselves from me. I'd already assumed Dumbledore would do anything for the light side, but causing them to abandon me on purpose... well, I didn't put it past him, but I'd hoped he'd wait until school was done. That didn't happen of course. I just feel if they were actually my friends... they wouldn't listen to Dumbledore. Or maybe I am an idiot who thought I had friends."

"You do have friends Potter. Why don't we go visit the Weasley's tomorrow? I can prove to you that you're loveable." Harry frowned, but nodded. "That could be nice, I guess."

"Then that's what we'll do." Snape said with a grin, which caused Harry to loosen up a bit. "You're not just someone to be used. You're an amazing boy with many talents whose had a tough life."

Harry nodded with a frown. He looked up at Snape. "So you don't think I am unloveable?"

Snape shook his head and frowned. "I think you are sometimes a pain in the ass, but you should be. You're young and need to have fun and enjoy life. Especially when you know how quickly life can fade away. Many of us in the war don't know how long we have left. You, just as well as me, know just how quickly the end of this war is coming. But no, I do not think you are unloveable. I think you are kind, caring and always friendly. You're way too young to think you're unloveable though." Harry rolled his eyes. Snape stood up and walked over to Harry and placed a hand on the younger wizard's shoulder. "Do you want to change the subject?"

Harry nodded and shrugged away from the hand on his shoulder. "Why did Dumbledore decide on you to come check on me this time? He had many other's that could have come to check on me. He's had many others come to check on me. Why you this time?"

"I don't know Potter." Snape stepped back and knelt down to look at Harry better and he knew then exactly why. And he hated Dumbledore for it! Snape stood up and walked back over to his chair. Stupid Dumbledore had set up the talks as a way for Snape to talk to someone as well. Who else but Potter knew how it was living in an abusive situation like he had. Which meant of course that Dumbledore knew the struggles Potter had been having. At least most of them. Snape growled and put a cushion over his head. But not before saying "Forget it Potter, we don't need to talk. Ever."

Harry nodded and got up to walk up to the bedroom. Snape heard him move to get up, but ignored it. He wasn't sure what he wanted. Did he want to follow Harry and apologize? Nah. He wanted to fix things maybe, but there was only so many things he could say without forcing Harry to admit worse things.

Snape lay his head back and tried to ignore the guilt he now felt. He'd driven Harry away. Snape groaned and knew he had to get Harry to open up more and unless he could prove himself as a decent listener now, Harry would never trust him enough to talk to him.

Snape made his way up the stairs and knocked. "Go away!" Snape heard the boy scrambling to lock the door. Snape put his hand on the handle and turned it, opening the door which Harry stood next to, watching him with a look between fearful and angry. He held something in his hand which he tried to hide from Snape. Snape growled. "Give it to me Potter."

Snape held his hand out and the boy in front of him cringed and held his hand out, handing a metal piece to his professor, cringing back.

"What did I tell you about harming yourself Potter?"

"What? That I could hurt you. Fuck that Snape. I am not that dumb." He crossed his arms and walked back to his bed, slumping into a sitting position. He ignored Snape as he walked over, not sure what the elder wizard had in mind. But what he did next caused Harry to jump. He felt his cheek which hurt from the elder man's slap. He looked up at Snape and frowned, not sure what Snape had in mind. "I thought you didn't want me hurting?"

Snape knelt down and looked Harry in the eyes. "If you're going to hurt yourself, why not Potter? You have no regard for yourself. So why should I have any compassion for you? Why should I care whether you hurt or not?"

Harry could feel himself shaking, angry. He stood up and kicked Snape away, walking towards the bathroom. Snape stood up and walked quickly and with purpose in front of Harry, blocking him. Snape could see the anger in his eyes. Good. Finally he's showing his anger and pain outwardly. He watched as Harry hit him in the chest. "Ugh!" Harry groaned and took steps backwards, looking fearful. "You always get what you want, Snape?" He asked with an angry voice. "You always get to make the decisions in anyone's life, including me?"

Snape laughed, which caused Harry to get angry again. "Oh Potter, you are so naive."

"Naive?" Harry asked with anger. "I don't want to hurt anyone Snape. I don't want to let anyone see my emotions! Don't you understand? You do the same fucking thing. Only thing you do different, is you take your anger out on your students. Is that what I should be doing? Hurting others and making people angry. Maybe you want me to become the next Voldemort?" Harry crossed his arms, giving the professor a look that gave him chills.

Snape walked over and wrapped his arms around Harry, who stiffened. "Of course not Potter. I just want you to have someone you can trust. Someone you can talk to, show your emotions to, and hurt _if you need to._" Snape's let go of Harry and looked him in the face. "Can't you just trust me, just talk to me? I do not want you hurting yourself. It shouldn't be that hard to understand. I care about you Potter. I care about your sanity. I care about your safety. I am willing to go to any lengths to make you feel safe and cared for." Snape bit his lip before he could say anymore. He'd already admitted more to this boy than anyone else about his true feelings. Yeah, he'd be pissy and hurt students, but that didn't mean he didn't care about them.

Harry's face became a mask as he walked back to sit on his bed. "Thanks for caring Snape. Now may I go to bed?"

Snape closed his eyes, feeling as if he'd been slapped. "Alright. Good night Harry."

Harry lay down and closed his eyes, looking down at his arms and frowned. He'd cut himself a few times tonight before Snape had arrived. The cuts stung a bit, but not as much as his face where Snape had hit him. He frowned and curled his arms around himself. He didn't hate Snape for taking the blade. In fact, he'd almost felt a surge of relief that made absolutely no sense to him. No one had cared enough to check on him before. No one had actually made a point to give him an outlet. Perhaps Snape was right in giving him the option, but that didn't mean Harry liked it. He didn't want to become the next Voldemort.

Harry rolled over uncomfortably and closed his eyes, feeling the energy drain from him.

Snape walked over to his room and lay down on his bed, looking at the dark ceiling. He hated feeling any sort of compassion. And pity. That boy raised emotions in him he'd tried to keep away for far too long. Perhaps having Potter around would be a good thing, but right now, all he was doing was pissing him off.

Snape was laying face up, trying to fall asleep for nearly half an hour when he heard Potter screaming. He got up and ran over to the other boy's room, opening the door to find Harry tossing and turning. "No Vernon, please no!"

Snape could feel anger. He clenched his fists together. He walked over to Harry and sat down, gently shaking Harry awake, careful not to touch Harry more than that. Harry jolted awake, shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. He looked over at Snape, looking ashamed. Snape just looked back at Harry, waiting for Harry to decide what he wanted to do. Finally Harry lay into Snape's lap, still sobbing, but allowing Snape to comfort him. "We're at Hogwarts Harry. Vernon cannot harm you here. No one will harm you here."

Harry held onto Snape and cried. And Snape let him.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I do not and will not ever own the characters. However I do like playing with them, so thank you J.K. Rowling for making these characters!

A/N 2: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I get so lost sometimes when I don't get reviews ;-;

Chapter 5: What's up with the Weasleys?

Harry lay in Snape's arms for a long while. He was shivering, sobs quieting down as he began to fall asleep. Snape ran his fingers through the young boys hair, trying to calm him. He moved the pillow over to them and placed it next to them. He wanted to be able to move Potter once he was asleep without waking him. He noted the younger boy calming as Snape pet him. Eventually he heard a small snore and knew the young boy was asleep. He carefully slipped out from under him, laying Potter's head on the pillow. Harry turned over, hugging the pillow to him in his unconsciousness. Snape found that to be cute. He carefully laid the blanket over Harry and then made his way out of the room.

He made his way back to his room and lay on his bed. He cursed a few times, hating how he'd found Potter earlier. And it had been his fault. If he'd not gone off on Harry for Dumbledore's mistake, then he'd probably have been fine. Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing that Dumbledore had chosen him. He'd have to make Potter trust him. But did that mean wanting to give up all of his secrets? Of course not. He'd be careful about what he said to the boy. Much more careful then he'd been tonight. He didn't need to bring up another breakdown in the younger wizard.

Snape closed his eyes and sighed. He'd need to sleep some if they'd be going to see his least favorite wizard family tomorrow. Luckily for Potter, he'd put up with them for his sake. He just hoped he didn't make another huge mistake like he did tonight.

The next day Snape woke to sounds downstairs. He jumped up, frowning, and realizing it was just Potter downstairs already. Snape yawned and walked over to his closet. He'd give Potter some alone time. He needed to get ready anyways, which meant a shower and dressing in nice clothes. It was the most annoying thing to Severus. Honestly, he'd rather just wake up and start the day. Forget the shower. Forget looking nice. There was a reason many of the students called him a 'greasy git'. Oftentimes he lived up to that name. Snape rolled his eyes and made his way into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it, despite the fact that only he had access to this restroom. He stepped into the shower and cleaned himself well, making sure he washed his hair thoroughly. He scowled as some of the water got into his eyes. He hated water in his eyes. He stepped out, grabbing a towel and rubbed his eyes til he could see well again.

He threw on his outfit and made his way down the stairs. Harry was sitting at the table with a few pieces of toast. There was a plate set on the other side of the table from him. "Morning." Harry said, looking at Snape with wide eyes when he noticed his hair. "You look... different."

Snape walked over, without looking at Harry and sat down. "I took a quick shower. Figured if we were going to the Weasleys, I should look nice. I doubt I should have went to the effort though."

Harry shrugged and took a bite of his toast. "I'm sure they wouldn't have cared either way. You look... nice..." Harry looked down to keep himself from looking at the Potions master. He hadn't really looked at him much yet, other than noticing his appearance. He felt really cautious after the night before. He remembered waking up at some point and curling into Snape. Whether that was real or a dream, he was not sure. All he knew was he'd felt so warm and protected. That thought alone when thinking about the potions Master scared him. Snape was his teacher and nothing more. Anything the professor was doing to calm and protect him was only for the light side.

Snape took a bite of his toast and nodded. "Thanks. I figured I should look decent for going to see your friends. I don't want to put them off."

Harry shrugged. "I doubt they'd care."

Not about his appearance anyways. About the former death eater being on their property. Harry just hoped they wouldn't attack him just because. In any other circumstances they might. Snape had only proved himself to Dumbledore. Anyone else didn't trust Severus. Harry wasn't sure. Dumbledore had made some stupid decisions in his life. Trusting Snape could be one of them. But perhaps it was trusting himself that was the worse of the two. Harry often found himself wondering if he truly cared about the light side or if he'd just been conditioned to. Of all things he'd been given the choice in, free thinking wasn't exactly one of them.

Snape watched Harry with curious eyes, wondering what the boy was thinking. He'd barely looked at him. He kept his face down. He'd even stopped eating for a bit. He didn't want to stop the boy's thoughts, but something about the way Harry was frowning made him cautious. "Well, I guess we shall see." Snape said, snapping Harry's thoughts back to reality. To what was in front of him.

Harry just nodded and pushed the plate forward, obviously done with his toast. Snape decided that was a good place for him to stop too. He'd eaten a piece. He wasn't sure Potter had even eaten that much. He stood up and nodded to Harry. "So, shall we floo to the Weasleys?"

Harry looked at the fireplace and nodded. He hadn't used the floo too often, but at least he felt more confident in it now than he had in the past. He knew not to allow the dust to get to him and he was ready to make his way to a familiar territory. A place he considered a home, just as much as he did Hogwarts. Snape just stood with his arms crossed, waiting for Harry to make the first move. He grabbed the floo powder and made his way into the fireplace, throwing down the powder and calling out "Weasley's". He watched fireplaces go by until he saw the weasley's. He stepped out and saw Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen. "Hello Mrs. Weasley." He said with a small smile. She turned and saw him. He expected her to smile as she always had. Instead she just looked surprised. "Harry." She said and frowned. "What are you doing here?"

Harry frowned and bit his lip, suddenly nervous. He'd never had Mrs. Weasley question his presence. Usually she expected it. He stumbled on his words. "I-I just wanted to come visit with Ron and the others. I-is that o-okay?"

She nodded curtly and called up. "Ronald, Ginerva, Fred, George, Arthur!"

Before they had a chance to make their way down, Snape was stepping out of the fire behind Harry. Molly pursed her lips. "Severus. Here with Harry, are you?" She asked, watching Snape like a hawk as he stepped forward and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder in a supportive gesture.

"Hello Molly. Yes, I am." He said and Harry could hear the malice in his voice. Harry shrugged the hand on his shoulder off and stepped forward. He needed to distance himself some from Snape if he was going to be able to get a good impression from his friends.

"Harry!" Ginny said with a smile and walked over, giving him a hug. "It's been so long!" Harry cringed at her touch, but hugged her back quickly and then pulled away.

"Hullo Gin." Harry said with a small smile, so glad to see that not everyone had Mrs. Weasley's bad attitude.

She took a step back and looked at Snape. "What's he doing here?" She asked, rolling her eyes as Snape glared at her. Oh, he shouldn't have been surprised. He'd been picking on the Gryffindors for years. Why would they have a good view on him?

"He's just here to make sure I'm safe." Harry said, revealing only partial truth. They didn't need to know he was currently living with him, did they.

"Hey Mate." Ron said, stepping into the room. He walked over and gave Harry a small hug and then stepped back, watching Snape very closely.

Fred, George and Arthur walked in together and all stayed back a bit, just watching. Harry waved at them, but they ignored the wave. In fact, Snape wasn't sure why they joined them in the room at all. The room began to feel very enclosed with the Weasley clan joining them in one room. But Harry seemed to be enjoying the closeness of his friends. Snape decided to stay out of the way, unless Harry asked something of him. Not that he expected he would. Ron pulled Harry over to the table and Ginny followed. They whispered back and forth for a bit.

Harry didn't mind being pulled along by his friends. They were at the very least, acting how he expected them to normally be. Not that these were normal circumstances. Ron was the first to talk to him. He looked over his shoulder, noting the potions master, which caused him to whisper. "You do not need a bodygaurd here. Even Dumbledore knows that. But he said you weren't going to be able to come here this summer. What changed?"

"I wanted to come visit. I missed my friends."

Ginny frowned. "So why come here? You haven't been acting like a friend lately. What makes you think we still want to be your friend?"

Harry felt like he'd been slapped. How could she go from hugging him to accusing him of not acting like a friend? "I'm here aren't I?" Harry asked, cautious. Maybe he'd made a mistake.

"Dumbledore thought you coming here would make you happy, didn't he." Ron said, rolling his eyes. "You do realize that we are not here to be at your beck and call Harry. We care about you like a brother, but you've been ignoring us. I can't say we haven't missed you, we have, but you've been ignoring the wizarding world. I haven't heard from you once."

"I haven't heard from you either." Harry said, crossing his arms. "I know all about Dumbledore's rules. I don't think you've been trying."

"And you have?" Ron snapped back.

"Honestly, I gave up trying to keep in contact with anyone." Harry said honestly. "It got harder and harder..."

"Then maybe we were right about you Harry. My mom said you didn't really care about us." Ginny looked at him with piercing eyes that Harry could almost feel the anger directed at him. "I thought you liked me, but if you did, I thought I would have heard from you."

"Liked you?" Harry frowned. "I have never had any feelings for you, except for possibly as a sister." She gasped back and Harry could see some tears in her eyes. Had she had feelings for him? He knew she'd had a crush, but he thought she'd gotten over it. Especially as they got closer to the war. He frowned. "I'm sorry Gin."

She shook her head and stood up. "Fuck you Harry Potter. I've never thought of you as anything other than a hero. And now I know you are nothing but a coward."

Harry shrank back and closed his eyes. No. This was not how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to be making up with his friends, not tearing them away. He looked at Ron who looked just as disgusted with him as his sister. "Ron, I am sorry. I do care about you guys. You were the ones who have cared about me since day one. I can't lose that."

"Lose it? You already lose all of our respect. I thought you were coming to apologize for not writing. Instead you give excuses and tell us exactly what we should have known. You never should have expected us to always be there for you if you were never there for us. My sister had her hopes up and you treated her much better than a sister. I thought you cared about her. If you could act like that with her and not actually like her, you obviously never cared about me either."

"I-"

"Shut up Weasley." Harry heard the growl of Snape behind them. "Harry did NOT have to come here. He came here because he thought you were his friend. He cares very much about you and your family."

Ron looked up and saw Snape, glaring at him. "Leave us alone Snape." Ron growled. "You may be my professor, but this is my house and you do not have authority here."

"This may be true." Snape said. "But Potter is here with me and I will not have him attacked, even verbally, while I am here. I said I was here to protect him. If that means from you as well, then that's what I shall do."

Ron rolled his eyes. "My mother can make sure you're never allowed here again Snape."

"Then you will not see me here again either." Harry said determinedly. He stared at Ron, waiting for his response.

Ron just shrugged. "See you Potter."

Harry stood up and looked around him. His family... or the closest he'd had to it was no longer his. He'd ruined that, just as well as the rest of his life. He found himself struggling to breath. He closed his eyes and counted to three. Before he reached three however he felt the hand on his shoulder. It helped him some. Snape was a good calming factor. However it didn't solve everything. It didn't solve the fact that he'd lost almost his entire existence. He didn't know how Hermione or Neville felt about him yet, but if it was anything like the Weasley's, he just didn't want to know.

Harry faced Ron. "You know, the only mistake I made the first day on the train was meeting you. I could have become friends with Draco and become Slytherin. At least the Slytherins don't abandon their friends."

"You're one to talk Harry."

"I never abandoned you! I had no way to let Hedwig out to deliver you anything!"

"Don't care. You should have made the right decisions that first year apparently." He turned away from Harry and Harry could feel the coldness in the room. He didn't make his way to the fire though as Snape had been accounting for. He ran outside and screamed. He quickly disappeared with a pop.

Snape looked around at the Weasleys and growled. "HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU HURT THAT POOR YOUNG MAN!"

He walked out before they could respond, knowing neither he nor Harry would be back, disappeared, reappearing at the only place Harry would go without the floo. He looked at the Dursley's house and noted the blast-open door. He walked forward and frowned at the Dursley's knocked out on the floor. 'Oh Potter. What have you done?'


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I am not J.K Rowling and do not own her characters. However I do so love using them.

Chapter 6: What happened to Hedwig?

Severus walked up the stairs and came to an open door. He could smell a thick scent of death. It caused his heart to clench as he made his way into the door. Harry was kneeling beside his bird, which looked like it had been dead the entire time they'd been gone. 'Oh god.' He made his way over to Harry and placed a hand on his shoulder. Harry flinched back and hit Snape's hand away. "Get the fuck away from me Severus. Go the hell away."

"Harry..."

"You left my bird here. Vernon probably came up here and saw the bird and knew he could torture me one last time. I know he did!" Harry broke down and wrapped himself around the dead bird. He wasn't ready for another thing to go wrong. He wasn't ready for another loss. Snape made his way back over to the bed and sat down, watching Harry wracked in grief, sobbing. He couldn't do anything to help the young boy in front of him.

"Harry, I'm sorry I left Hedwig here. I didn't mean to. I meant to come get your owl the next day. I forgot and I regret that." Snape frowned and found himself wishing the Dursley man dead. He knew it was something someone like him would do. He had to hurt someone in any and all ways. And he has. Snape promised himself that he would kill Vernon no matter what obstacles came into his way.

Snape stood up and walked over to the door. He was about to go downstairs to kill the son of a bitch muggle when Harry reached for him, stopping him in his tracks. "P-please don't leave."

"Potter, I can't just let him get away with this."

"H-he can't hurt me. L-let's leave please."

Snape frowned, but couldn't do anything that could harm Harry further. He nodded and reached for Harry's hand, allowing him to decide when he was ready. He took it and stood up, clutching his dead bird as if he was a toy. His face was a mask of nothing. Just the way Snape had been trying to avoid. He wanted to take the boy and wrap him in his arms, but he knew better.

Harry held Snape's hand lightly and waited for the moment they both knew had to come. The cops would likely come and see the Dursleys knocked out. And he hoped that they investigated and noticed that the way things happen was really weird. Especially the way the door was blown open. Snape actually had to smile at that.

Snape ran his hand lightly over Harry's and looked at the fragile boy with compassion. He apparated them to the edges of the castle's border. He couldn't apparate them any closer and he wished he'd thought to bring his portkey, but this would have to be what worked. "We're gonna have to walk through the forbidden forest. Will you be ok Harry?"

Harry just nodded, but he could feel a sharp shiver through the young man. Snape pulled Harry close, but allowed enough room for Harry to hold his owl. "I think we should find a place for Hedwig. We can make a temporary headstone."

Harry looked at Snape as if he had a third head. Snape frowned. "We can't keep a dead bird around Harry. There's no bringing him back to life. I wish there was. I know how much that owl meant to you."

"YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE OR ANIMALS!" Harry began sobbing and Snape stepped back, letting go of Harry's hand. Did the younger boy truly believe he cared about nothing? He did have a heart, but since he'd been a spy, he'd had to hide any feelings he had. Perhaps it had been better that way. Snape just looked down and waited for Harry to be ready to continue moving.

Snape was waiting nearly five minutes before Harry stopped sobbing and fell to his knees. He placed Hedwig on the ground and looked up at Snape. "Help me?" He asked in a very child-like way that made Snape's heart clench.

Snape knelt down near Harry and pulled out his wand, blasting a small hole open. Harry reached over and placed his owl in the hole. Snape covered Harry's hand which made Harry look up with the most fearful red eyes he'd ever seen on the boy. It wasn't like Potter to show emotions around people, but it was like he had no choice now. Snape had taken him under his wing and was now responsible for helping to fix this broken child. But Harry was not the child he'd known for so long. Not even close to the arrogant, insolent child he'd grown up with. What had happened to that Potter?

"Potter, things will get better. Hedwig is no longer at your Uncle's being starved and never allowed to fly. He's flying free wherever his spirit may be."

Harry nodded but bit his lip in an attempt to keep from crying. Snape pulled Harry close and lay his head on the younger boys'. Harry couldn't keep from crying more. Snape gently spread the dirt over the bird and sighed. "Potter, this bird is not your only chance of happiness. I know that's what you were thinking. I used to think the same thing about my cat, Jasmine. My father... he killed her when I was out with your mother because I didn't get the chores done he asked of me. I had thought I'd lost everything. Jasmine used to lay on the bed with me while I was sad. I never showed my emotions to anyone but her. Then one day I came home and my dad came home and said "You were not allowed to go out by me. Your mom can't make up all the rules. I decided to punish you. Go up to your room." I thought... I thought that was going to be my punishment." Snape could feel his body start to shake and Harry must have noticed too. He looked up to see Snape with tears in his eyes.

"You- you liked animals?" Harry asked with a disbelieving tone.

"Harry, I am not heartless. I like a lot of things. I- I just got really good at letting myself not think about them." Snape wiped his tears and sighed. "Yes, I liked animals. I cared about that cat. But honestly, I couldn't stand for anymore animals after that. I didn't want to come home to a cat hanging from my ceiling."

Harry's eyes jutted up and he closed his eyes without looking at Snape. "I'm sorry to hear your father did that. Sounds... painful."

Snape just nodded. He looked over to where the sun met the trees and noticed it was getting late. The forbidden forest was not somewhere they wanted to be at night. "I need to place a ward over the remains. We'll make a proper gravesite for her tomorrow. Tonight we should get us both home."

Harry nodded and started to stand. Snape stood beside him and put an arm around him. He raised a wand placing a ward over the previous hole, making sure that nothing could disturb the remains. But by the way Harry turned and began to walk away, he knew he'd not be back. Harry was leaving behind a part of his past that had been important to him. Snape couldn't help but feel that's what he'd done too. Potter and him were alike in a lot of ways.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Oh how I wish I was the wonderful J.K Rowling, but at least I can play with my favorite characters.

A/N2: please review!

Chapter 7: To be or not to be… that is the problem

Harry ended up not coming out the next few days. Snape decided to let him have some space. He'd tried to tell Harry that he knew what he was going through, but Harry wouldn't bring himself out to listen anymore. Ever since he'd told Harry about Jasmine, the boy had avoided him at nearly all costs. Snape had decided that if Potter didn't want to listen to him, he'd just let the boy decide what was best for himself on his own. It wasn't like he owed Harry.

Snape heard a knock at the door and sighed. He knew it was likely Dumbledore. He'd not wanted to let things get to him, but things were about to tumble to a head. He walked over to the door and opened it to see the elder man. "Hello Dumbledore."

"Severus my dear boy. I got word from my confidants that Potter is now in your care. His Aunt and Uncle were found knocked out. When some of my friends found out they contacted me to make sure Potter was okay. I knew you had him though. Is Potter alright? Was he attacked? My dear boy, thank you for taking him in."

Snape crossed his arms. "What makes you think I have Potter?"

Dumbledore frowned and shook his head. "You have to have Potter, do you not? I thought you were checking on him. And if you'd found what they did, well, you would have told me if Harry'd been taken or worse."

Snape sat down on his couch and lay his head back. "Potter is here. He's not doing well. I will take him in as a temporary guardian til school starts. He deserves the freedom he can have here. However until he's in school and under your leadership, I would prefer he not be bothered. He's been through enough."

"Severus, he's only been attacked. Harry has been through much worse in his life. I am sure you can handle him. He shall be fine. Should I send some of his friends to visit?"

Severus stared at Dumbledore like he'd grown a second head. What did the elder man think? That he could control the life of the young boy enough to choose when he could and could not have friends? If Dumbledore knew what had transpired between Harry and the Weasley's… but no, Snape would not give him that satisfaction. "Albus, Harry needs to be left alone. He doesn't need you trying to fix him. I am not a tool and neither are his friends. He'll get better on his own time under his own terms. He needs help that he can only get himself. That poor boy needed far more of your help before this and you chose to ignore it. Well, now I choose to ignore you. I am taking guardianship until he reaches 17. He has a little over one year until he is an adult. Until then I want you to leave him alone. If you need to discuss anything with him that has to do with his life, you can talk to me. Then I will decide if he can handle your ideas. You have been nothing but a pain to this child and I will not stand for it anymore Albus."

"My dear boy…"

"No more Albus. We are not tools to be used by you when you want. We are human beings. Please give us the peace and privacy you should be. Harry will be safe here as long as you stay out of the way. You are the harm in that boy's life."

Albus frowned deeply and shrugged. "Fine. I will leave you be." He turned to walk towards the door. "As his legal guardian you will need to file a report on the boy's condition to the order at your earliest convenience. Good day Severus." With that he walked out in a way Severus would normally feel proud of, but it was then he knew that he'd possibly just made himself an enemy to the elder man. That would have to change. Snape sighed and closed his eyes. "Damnable old man."

Snape heard the door upstairs close as quietly as the boy could manage and Snape sighed. He'd heard too? Great. Snape knew he should have talked to Harry before he lost it on Dumbledore, but he'd been ambushed by the old man once more. That was not the first time that had happened to him, but it was the first time he'd have to deal with the consequences at a future date. "God I need a drink."

Snape called a houself up and asked for two bottles of firewhisky. The houself looked at him with worried eyes. "You is sure Mister Snape sir?"

"Yes, I'm sure." He sat down on the chair and waited for his alcohol. When it finally arrived, he wasn't shy about drinking at all. He felt as if the night was flying by as soon as he had a drink in his hand. He found himself laughing at the absurdity that he was acting as a guardian. But then crying at the implications of that. No more freedom. No more worrying about no one, including himself. No more ignoring life as he'd grown used to. Snape couldn't believe this was about to be his life.

Apparently he wasn't too careful though because when he tried to make his way up to his room, he fell on his knees on the stairs. "Fuck."

Snape closed his eyes and shook his head. He just needed to make it up to bed. He found himself struggling to awkwardly at best make it up the stairs. He did eventually, but it was about five minutes of navigating hands over feet to work his way up. And since he didn't have the sense of mind, he didn't make his way to the bed, but over to a glass vial on the table near his bathroom. He coughed up the burning liquid and grumbled.

Harry was sitting in his bathroom, alone, trying to keep his wits about him after what he'd heard. Dumbledore had come up, knowing he was here. Of course he knew… the old coot seemed to know everything. But when Snape was defending him, he'd said he'd take gaurdianship of him until he was 17. That was more than Snape had to do and Harry respected him for it. Even moreso for telling Dumbledore exactly what Harry'd been thinking for years. If Albus hadn't tried to help, Harry would probably be in a better position with his friends right now, but he wasn't. At the very least, it was apparent Snape cared enough to not let him be used again. Not now and if Harry had his way, not ever again.

He started a bath and sat in the tub, relaxing the best he could. It wasn't too long after filling the bath that he heard Snape enter his room. The elder man was talking to himself. Harry frowned and wondered if he should head back to his room. In a way, he felt like he was involved in the issues that were Snape's, instead of just his own. He wanted to be able to thank Snape or somehow let him know how much he appreciated the elder man sticking up for him. He also wanted to disappear because in his ideal world Snape should never have had to deal with such things. "Why do everyone's issues revolve around me?"

It had always been him that issues seemed to be surrounding. Voldemort, Deatheaters, his Uncle... now Snape knew basically everything that he was dealing with. He couldn't even turn to his cutting. He couldn't turn to his friends. What was he to turn to now? He frowned and got up and out of the bath, making his way back to his bedroom. At least he still had sleep to help himself disappear... even if only for a bit.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Amongst… friends?

A/N: J.K Rowling was an absolute genius. I am not. Therefor I cannot be the wonderful J.K Rowling.

A/N2: Please please please review. I need reviews to make me happy :(

"Harry…" A soft knock woke Harry and he jolted awake, frowning and noticing the sun was already past the window. How long had he slept? He rubbed his neck and sat up, crossing the floor to the door. He opened it and looked at Snape. The elder man had a tired, worn out look one would expect of someone who had probably spent the previous night in too much thought with too much alcohol.

"G'morning." Harry said and rubbed the back of his neck, watching the potions Master, trying to figure out what he wanted.

"You were listening last night." Snape said, not accusing, but not questioning either.

"I was." Harry said with a frown. What did Snape want him to say?

"I was wondering if you would be ok with me being your gaurdian. I will not pull something that Dumbledore would pull. I want to ask what you want Potter. If you don't want me as a guardian, we can find someone you trust and want to be your guardian. I want this to be in your hands. Dumbledore doesn't need to know who it is until you decide and you don't even need to decide right now." He placed a hand on the back of his neck in a similar fashion to Harry, not noticing the other's stature.

Harry frowned. "What if I don't know what I want yet?" He bit his lip and shrugged, not sure what he wanted. He put his hands to his side.

"You can decide later." Snape said with a shrug, but a look of pain crossed his face.

"It's not that I don't want you to be." Harry assured him. "It's just… I am used to not having my own choice. I have always been sent to the Dursleys. Brought to school. Picked by the cup. I… I just want time to think."

"It's no rush Harry. I would like to be able to claim at least temporary guardianship until you decide. Would that be alright?" Harry nodded, which calmed Snape a bit. He was glad they at least had a plan that helped calm his nerves for now. Honestly, Dumbledore had him on edge since the night before and the small nod helped him feel a little more at east. Even now he could have a small plan for himself that didn't revolve around Dumbledore's orders. He'd not really cared about what his future held til now. For the short term, he had a goal in mind. He wanted to give Harry a decent place to live until school.

"Did you feel like going out today? We can go get your school supplies?" Snape suggested. It was little less than a week before most people's letters would be sent out, but Snape was able to get a copy since he was right there at the school. "I would be able to help you get all the things you need and then if you wanted to get away for a bit on your own, you could go to some stores on your own."

Harry bit his lip but nodded. "That sounds like a plan. It could be nice to get out again." Or it could be a disaster, but who could say? He knew he couldn't just trap them both in the castle because he'd had a bad day the night before. In fact, he needed to make things right and get out to show he could. If he took Snape up on his offer for guardianship, this would be something they'd normally do together. If not, well, he'd be able to get his school shopping done. It was only a few days from his birthday and he wanted to get himself a new book or two anyways.

Snape smiled, looking a bit more sure of himself. "Alright. Shall we meet downstairs in an hour to take the floo?"

Harry nodded, but dreaded flooing again. He couldn't avoid all things that made him uncomfortable though. If he did that, he knew he'd think of himself as weak. "See you in an hour Professor."

The elder man's face fell but he nodded and then turned to walk back downstairs. Snape sighed and made his way to the kitchen. He was glad to get Potter to agree to go out, but he was unsure what the day would have in mind for them. Would Potter be up for what he had in mind? He wanted to bring Potter out, get him to open up some. Maybe even make him smile. It had been far too long since he'd seen Potter smile in a way that meant he was happy. He just hoped they could find some peace in the day.

Snape was waiting on the couch when Harry finally got ready and made his way downstairs. "I figured we'd get some food while out today." Snape said, noting the other boy's stomach grumble. "Anywhere you'd want to go?"

"Maybe the pub?" Harry suggested. He'd not really given much thought to food, but as long as he could have some butterbeers on the side, he'd probably be able to eat some.

Snape nodded. "Alright. We'll floo near there then."

Harry nodded and made his way towards the floo. He could feel his hands shaking some but he nodded. "You'll be right there?" He asked in a worried tone that made Snape question all his plans. He didn't like the fact that Harry looked white, scared of the day rather than looking forward to it. But he also had the determined look that said there was no talking him out of it. Snape nodded. "I'll be right behind you Harry. If it becomes too much, we'll floo right back."

Harry looked relieved to hear that and made his way in, calling out his destination. Snape made sure to be not even a step behind. When they arrived, the town was alive and bustling as usual, but at least there were fewer students around. Most of them wouldn't arrive til their supply lists came. Mostly Pure-blooded children were around, who had grown up being treated like adults. Some younger as well, but for the most part, it was a darker crowd Snape had grown used to. He'd need to keep his wand at the ready at all times.

In reality this was a test for Severus too. He'd been hiding away in the castle instead of facing the world in fear that some of the Death Eaters or even Voldemort himself would find and attack him. He put a hand on Harry's shoulder, trying to reassure the boy, but perhaps also to reassure himself.

Harry turned them towards the pub and they walked in, finding a table to the edge of the room. Harry made sure to sit very near Snape, so much so that it looked like he was hiding. "You know I wouldn't let anyone hurt you Potter."

Harry nodded and shrugged. "I-I know. I just don't want to risk..." He didn't know how to finish his sentence. Snape just nodded, a look of understanding that made Harry feel a bit more at ease.

The witch that came and took their order seemed very ditzy and didn't really notice the strange behavior of the two anyways. That helped put both of the wizard's minds at ease as well while they ate. Harry only ate a small portion of his food. It was something he got a lot of while he was here, but only ever tended to eat about half. Today not nearly that much. Snape watched with somewhat sad eyes, but did not press the issue. He'd make sure Harry ate more eventually, but you could only train someone to take care of themselves a bit at a time. Harry was going to take a lot of work to make him care about himself and his needs.

Snape ordered a few drinks as they sat there. Harry only had his butterbeer, which was enough for as much as he ate. Had he tried to get more to drink, Snape likely would have stepped in. Harry watched Snape as he finished his food, waiting patiently as the elder man finished his plate. For all Harry was, at least he was courteous. Snape paid the waitress and they left. They passed quite a few shops before they came to the bookstore. Harry allowed Snape to lead the way, staying very close to his Professor as if afraid one of the witches or wizards around them might attack. For all Snape knew, he was right, so he didn't fight the boy keeping close. When they entered the bookstore though, Snape pulled out the list and handed it to Harry. "Feel free to browse. I plan to do so myself. I have a few books on gardening I'd like to find." Harry looked at him wide-eyed, scared.

"C-couldn't I just come with you to look at books with you?"

Snape frowned and with a sigh, nodded. "Of course Potter. We'll just make our way towards my books while grabbing yours. Sound good?" Harry breathed in relief and nodded. Snape grabbed the list from Harry and looked at the books on the list. For the most part, the books were simple to find. A couple had been picked by teachers who had no ideas which books would actually teach their lessons, but that was on them to discover. Snape would enjoy watching them suffer through a year with useless books. He grabbed the books for his own class and handed them to Harry. At least his were in one section and pretty simple to find. He'd also read them all, so he knew exactly what he was getting.

When they got to the plants section he found three books and then made his way to the register with Harry at his side. "I'll get the books today. You can pay me back later."

Harry nodded, not once complaining. He watched Snape spell them to make them small enough to fit in his pocket. That made carrying them simple at the very least. As they made their way down the street, Harry noticed a broom shop. He didn't have to say anything for Snape to notice the look in his eyes. The wanting. He veered in the direction of the shop and they made their way in.

"Mr. Potter!" The man behind the counter said, his smile wide. "How good to see you! It's been in the papers that your place of residence was attacked. It is good to see you alive and well."

Harry shrunk back slightly, embarrassed and fearful of what the papers might have said. If anyone had any clue that he had been the one to attack it, then they might not be as happy to see him. "Y-yeah, I'm fine." He said.

"Oh Potter, Potter, Potter, still getting attention wherever we go, eh?" Harry turned to see Draco, Crabbe and Goyle standing near a Quidditch supply display. "What about this time? Did the Quibbler come out proclaiming your love to Looney?"

Harry shook his head and frowned, not sure how to take Draco's comment, as an insult or not? He decided to just let it go. "Unlike you, I didn't have to make my presence known to get attention Malfoy." Harry said and stuck out his tongue.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Little do you know Potter. I'd keep that sharp tongue in your mouth if I were you. You never know who might want to use it against you."

"What do you mean Malfoy?" Harry asked, confusion in his voice.

"Nothing Potter. Where are the Weasels you hang out with?" Draco's attention turned to the teacher at Harry's side and he gave Snape a questioning look, asking a question Snape could not answer.

"Like you, I don't need them anymore." Harry said in the most confident tone.

"Oooh, things get heated once the littlest found out she wasn't your type?" Draco grinned.

Harry frowned, not sure why that was so transparent to the Slytherin. He decided to shrug it off. "Something like that."

"Good for you Potter." Draco said, nodding in a slightly satisfactory way. "You deserve better. You deserve someone who treats you like more than an idol."

Harry laughed, which caused Snape to look at him surprised. It wasn't too often lately Harry had enough sense to laugh, but he was able to talk to Malfoy in a civil tone. This could be a good development. "I appreciate your honesty Malfoy. Professor Snape and I were just doing some shopping, so perhaps we should get back to that and I'll... see you later?"

Draco nodded, no sense of tension between the two. "Sure potter. Feel free to write me whenever."

At these words Harry's face fell and although Snape caught on, Draco would have no clue why writing him might be an issue currently. Snape just nodded to Draco. "We'll keep in touch. Write to me if you want to contact either of us. Potter is currently unable to write anyone... Order's orders."

"Oh!" Draco nodded in understanding. "Alright then. I'll send you an owl later this week Severus. If you could respond for Potter..." He left the option open-ended and gave Harry an apologetic smile. "See you later Potter."

Harry gave Snape a grateful smile. "T-thanks."

"No problem Harry. However that brings me to something I wanted to do today." He put an arm around Harry's shoulder and ushered him down the street to a pet shop. Harry frowned and looked around. "No."

"Potter, let me talk."

"No Professor. I am not going to replace Hedwig."

Snape felt tension in his forehead. "It's not about replacing your friend Potter. You need an owl for post. We can get you one so that way when school starts you have a means of communication."

"I don't want another owl right now." Potter said, tension in his voice. "I cannot do this right now."

"Potter, can you just look at them for me. I- I want to get you a birthday gift that you can use. Right now, I know this is something you need."

"Professor..." Harry shuddered slightly and turned to face him. "Hedwig was a gift as well. I cannot get another one right now. It's only been one day."

Snape frowned and then realized the boy was right. He wasn't ready, but he likely never would be. He frowned though. He really did want to get Harry a bird he could use. But if he wasn't willing or able to pick one, then most of what Snape wanted to do today was worthless. He'd wanted to make Harry's birthday special. Now he had no ideas. Nothing that would make the boy happy. He just nodded, giving into the boy's statement. "Will you let me know when you are ready?"

Harry sighed. "If it makes you feel better, then yes, I will let you know. But right now I cannot think of looking at owls. May we please go?"

Snape nodded and they turned to leave. For the most part, the day had been uneventful. Getting some books and looking at things. He'd still do something for Harry's birthday, but now he had to make other plans. He let Harry hold tight to him as they made their way down the streets and as soon as they got to the floo, Harry seemed to let loose once more. It did make Snape feel good that at least Harry felt safe at the castle, despite the old coot being there.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: SO SO sorry for such a long wait. I've been trying to make this chapter right. I hope you guys like it. Please review!

Snape found himself buried in his work as they got closer to the school year, he knew there were things he needed to get done. Harry was hiding more and more in his room and Snape found him making more and more excuses not to eat and not to be in the way. Despite what Snape said, Harry didn't listen to his reasons why he should get out more. "Help me with potions Harry. You can slice the stuff while I add it to the cauldron." Despite his persistent efforts, Harry resisted Snape's pleas. Harry was making sure he wouldn't ruin anything, wouldn't hurt anymore. They closed in on his birthday and Snape frowned. He just wanted to do something special for that young boy. Anything that could make him happy. Or at the very least smile, even if only for a small moment.

"Draco could do it. Why can't I?" Snape asked himself and then frowned. Why was he comparing himself to a schoolmate of Harry's? Perhaps it was because Harry preferred to be around someone his own age. It made sense, since he'd been lacking in friends since the Weasley incident. Snape just wanted to do anything to make the young boy know he was cared for and appreciated. And the boy has been through so much.

Severus walked over to the table and wrote Draco a note asking him to come visit the next week. If the boy declined, Harry would never have to know and if he showed up, Harry would get to know that someone did care to come visit.

Snape made his way out into the castle and up to the owlery and placed the note in the claws of the owl. "Draco Malfoy." He said and watched the owl take off. He sighed and watched, hoping the response from his godson would be better than expected. As much as he wanted to see the young boys get along, there was always going to be a bit of house pride. And always a little bit of tension. Could the boys get over that for a bit of friendship, and possibly more eventually? The idea of them having something more sent a pang of jealousy through Severus. He groaned. God, how such a little thing could make him want to turn back time and regret sending that letter already. Yet he was doing what he thought was right for Harry.

Snape made his way back to his part of the castle and walked in. Harry was nowhere to be found. Snape sighed. He had to make things right between him and Harry. That boy needed help, that much was for sure. But Snape wasn't much good for that. He sighed and crossed the flat and walked up the stairs and knocked on Harry's door. "Harry?" He said, masking the emotion in his voice. He didn't need Potter thinking he'd gone soft.

When after a minute Harry didn't answer Snape walked in and saw the young boy on the bed, silently crying. "Potter…"

Snape couldn't help but feel as if his heart strings were being tugged at. He walked over and sat down on the bed and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Potter, do you need me to go?"

"No!" Harry looked up, suddenly and sat up, wrapping around Snape.

"What's going on Harry?" Snape asked, putting his arms around the younger boy. Who was he to comfort Harry? Yet, Harry curled into him and kept him from moving.

Harry started sobbing. Snape felt like a fish out of water. For one, he'd never in his life held a crying student. For another, he'd never remotely considered the possibility that he might care to. He felt himself falling more into the role as he caressed Harry's back. "It's ok Harry. You're going to be fine. You're here at Hogwarts. You're safe. You have someone around who cares about you. Please... please talk to me." He begged.

Harry felt as if he'd collided with a black, forbidden wall. Here he was, in his Professors arms, crying. The same professor who had multiple times made his life hell. Yet it was here he felt safe. He groaned and buried his head, trying to pull away from Snape. Snape pulled Harry closer, not allowing the younger boy to pull away. "Please Harry."

"I-I can't!" Harry said, closing his eyes. "I can't just talk to you Snape."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to speak, but especially not to someone who bullied me." Snape cringed, pulling away. He knew he'd harmed the boy, but to have that thrown back at him, it hurt. He frowned as Harry kept a grip on him. How could someone push away so hard, yet hold on so tight? Snape shook his head. "If you can't talk to me Potter, I may as well go."

"No!" Harry begged.

Snape bit his lip. Why in the world was he listening to the begging of a child? Why was he starting to care for him? Snape allowed Harry to hold him close and held onto him. "What can you talk about Harry?" Snape asked, deciding the only safe method was allowing Harry to decide how much he could speak.

"I-" Harry shook his head, deciding against whatever he had been about to say. "W-when I was living at the Dursleys..." Harry started. "I wasn't really able to have the freedom as I do here. You let me come downstairs when I want. You don't tell me to come make the food. I'm not... I can't live like this right now. I need some order. I don't do anything because I have never allowed myself to want to do anything."

Snape felt himself intake a breath and clenched his fists behind the young boy's back. Harry had lived like a slave and the idea of becoming more than that scared him. "Potter, I..."

"Professor." Snape snapped his mouth shut to listen as Harry went on. "I want to be able to get to a place where I can live normally. I can't always rely on... well, this." He hugged the professor tighter, but didn't let go. "I need to be able to believe in people. What my friends cannot realize is what they do not know. I never should have expected Ron to understand. Hermione won't either. I feel like I've lost the only family I had, because to me the Dursley's weren't. And so now I am just so unsure of where I am. Who I am. Will I ever be the same person I was? Do I want to be?"

The questions were left unanswered. Snape waited until he was sure Harry was done speaking and let him go, where he went back, onto his knees on the bed, staring at his professor. "Potter, you don't have to be strong. You don't have to understand everything. You don't even have to know how to live. I am here, willing to have you live with me, knowing that you've been hurt and need space. If you feel you need me to tell you when to come eat, I will. If you feel like you need space, you'll get it. If you just want to talk, I'll be here for that too. I know how it is to be hurt. I know how it is to feel alone. We can sit here like this forever and be alone together and that's perfectly fine to me Potter."

Harry bit his lip and Snape frowned, wondering if he said the wrong thing. He turned and sat on the edge of the bed. Harry followed, sitting beside him. "Why do you care what happens to me Snape?"

"Because Potter." Snape said. In reality, his thoughts were somewhere between 'I don't know' and 'Because I can'. If only he could say the words.

Harry nodded and lay down. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Harry?" Snape asked, watching the boy as he looked up. "Just please don't avoid me. I am here for you."

"I know Snape. Thank you." Harry covered in his blanket and Snape sighed. "Goodnight Potter."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: It all starts somewhere

A/N: Thank you for reading this. I love all my readers! I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. And please, please review!

A/N2: Obviously I am not the wonderful J.K Rowling, but she inspires me so much. Plus she created the wonderful characters and a world I grew up with and it will always influence me.

Snape was surprised when the next morning Harry came down without having to be asked. He came over and sat at the table. "Feeling better Potter?" He asked, cautiously watching the boy to make sure he didn't say anything wrong. Harry nodded and looked up. "I'm sorry Professor. I know that last night is something I shouldn't get used to. I was having some bad memories and…"

"You don't have to explain to me Potter. I understand. I understand it all. And I don't want you thinking that you can't come to me either. You're right. I've hurt you. I didn't know how it would affect you and honestly I do regret being so hard on you at times. I never meant to hurt you. You've been hurt enough. And if I'd been watching you closely I'd have noticed the fear and loneliness in your eyes. I had the same issues, Potter. I should have known. I understand you. And now... I want to be here for you. Please let me in enough to do that."

Harry raised his eyes and sighed. "I appreciate that Snape. I really do. I can't always be the victim though. I want to make it past this so I can be the strong person everyone expects me to be."

"Harry..." Snape walked over and hugged the younger boy, rubbing his back lightly. "Please don't close yourself off again. The best thing that has happened recently is you opening up. Losing that would be like losing you."

Harry shook his head. "Closing you out would be the best situation for both of us Professor. I allowed you to get closer to me than anyone else. I shouldn't need anyone else... and I don't."

Snape frowned and let Harry go, looking him in his eyes. "If you don't need me, that's fine. But you need someone. I don't know how much you can trust Malfoy, but will you at least talk to him? Maybe become friends with him? He's wanted that since you both were 11. He cared about getting your trust then, but gave up when you made your choice to become friends with Weasley's. I find that good and well, but it hurt him."

Harry nodded. "I can... try. I wouldn't mind having friends again."

"I'll ask Draco to come here soon then." Snape said and Harry smiled. "Thank you."

"Of course Harry." He wouldn't tell Harry that he wasn't slightly disappointed. He wanted Harry to feel as safe as he could, which meant he would not pressure the young child to do what he wanted. However, he still wanted Harry to get past this stuff from his past. What could he do? "What can I do to help you though?"

"I don't know..." Harry said, and looked up at Snape, but wouldn't look in his eyes. "I don't think there's anything you can do."

"That's a lie and you know it Potter. I am offering to help you. You know how rare that is for me. Is there a potion I can make you? Is there a way to bring your memories to the forefront so I can help you work past them?" Had he really said that out loud? Of course Harry wouldn't want to share that with him. Of course, what he didn't expect was Harry to clam up and start shaking. He shook his head.

"Harry..."

Harry curled into a ball and shook his head. Snape walked closer, but Harry yelled. "Stay away! No more memories! No more of my past! I don't want it!"

"Harry, your past is what defines you. I won't make you do so though."

Harry was still shaking but he nodded. He stayed curled in a ball and rocked himself. Had he really brought this upon the student he was trying to protect? He'd caused Harry hurt and pain. He didn't like that. He hated seeing Harry in pain. "A dreamless sleep potion?" He said, watching Harry look up curiously. "Something that keeps memories away while you sleep so that way you can get enough away from them to keep moving? You need something Potter and if it helps, I will help you make one so that way you can sleep at night. I know you've had some trouble with that."

"Professor..."

"Please, at least until school starts, stop thinking of me as your professor. You said you would allow me to be your temporary guardian and if that's the truth, then you need me to protect you some too. No matter if that means me holding you or finding someone else who can. It also means trusting me. For the rest of what we have for this summer, please just call me Severus. That's me Harry. Being as open and honest with you as I can."

Harry frowned and let the words flow to him. He felt some of his muscles relax and nodded. "I will try to do that Sn- Severus. Thank you for trying to help me. I'd like to help make that dreamless sleep potion. I could definitely use the peace."

Snape nodded and walked over slowly, putting a hand out, waiting for Harry to become comfortable enough to take it. He then helped the young boy up. "And I will try not to be as much of a hardass on you or try to force you to share things you think you can't with me. That stuff is none of my business unless you want me to know."

Harry nodded and smiled softly. "Thank you Severus. What would you like me to do for the potion?"

"Well..." Severus tilted his head. "How about cutting the ingredients for the potion?"

Harry raised his eyes and tilted his head. He was obviously thinking about how he used a knife most recently and didn't feel comfortable doing so. Snape shook his head. "Or I can do that and I'll guide you how to add the ingredients. Maybe then you can become as good at potions as I know you can be."

Harry laughed suddenly. "You think I could be?"

"Yes Potter, I do."

"Harry..."

"Yes, Harry. I believe you have more potential than you let on. I think you can make things right in the classroom and even in your own life. And if you don't think you should talk to me, I won't make you. However, I expect you to respect me as your guardian for now."

"I want you to be my guardian Severus." Snape looked at him cautiously. "You mean that?"

Harry nodded. "For once, I feel safe. Happy. Scared, yes. Although I hope that I can make you happy as well."

"Why would you want me to be happy?" Snape asked, confused.

"Because... you know me. I want to know you too. Your secrets. You told me you know my pain... well, I want to know yours too. Please allow me to."

Snape felt his face flush and he looked at the openness in the boy's eyes. "I'll try to let you in Harry."

"Thank you." Harry said, walking over and hugging the elder man, who was feeling that for once in his life, he might have someone to open up to.


	11. Chapter 11

chapter 11: The one where Draco visits

"Draco." Snape said in a relieved tone. He was s o glad to see his godson in the doorway of the school. He smiled up at his godfather and smiled, hugging him. "So how do you like being under Dumbledore's eyes 24/7?" He asked, looking around as if expecting to see Dumbledore come around the corner at any moment.

Severus shook his head. "It's a pain in the ass, but it's better than living in constant fear."

Draco nodded and crossed his arms. His godfather frowned. "I'm sorry Draco. I know that you have to deal with your father. However I know he would never hurt you. Your mother would kill him if he did. Your mom is more like a venus fly trap than a bloody Narcissus flower."

Draco laughed at this. "True that. She isn't one to be messed with. She seems so well-behaved, but if anyone would threaten me, they wouldn't be able to breath. So, shall we…" He looked into the stairwell, waiting to be shown up.

"I do have a couple ground rules first. Harry has decided he'd like me to be his guardian. As such, I need to make sure he won't be in any harm. You won't be mean to him or remind him of his friend's betrayal, will you?"

"Snape, you know better. I have always been a pain to Harry because he left me and went off to be Weasley's little toy. I am not about to bring it up because Harry doesn't need it right now. He needs a friend. Someone he can talk to."

Snape nodded. "Well, I am trusting you in my home. Harry's had a… rough summer. He needs support and love and he's gotten very little other than me. I want you to be a friend to him."

"I'll try, Snape. I can't promise he'll accept me as such."

"All I want is for you to try. Harry has come to accept that maybe I am not as bad as previously portrayed. It's possible he'll accept the same from you as well. But you need to prove yourself. Show your softer side he doesn't know. I mean, it'll be rare enough that he sees you without Crabbe and Goyle."

"Do I really come off as a bad person because of my friends?"

"Because of how you treat them, yes. Friends don't usually tell friends what to do. They don't usually follow the other around like a dog. Harry would feel out of place if he were to become another friend to you like Crabbe and Goyle. He needs to be an equal if you guys become friends." Snape was looking at his godson and noticed the other frown. Did he not like that his Godfather saw more into the friendships than anyone else?

"I understand. But if Harry doesn't see that that's all Ron and Hermione were to him…"

"Do NOT bring that up." Severus seethed. If Harry thought he was a leader-type to anyone, he would not be able to move on to a future friendship.

Draco took a step back and frowned. "Well, look at the all-protective father of Harry's."

Father? No. He wasn't Harry's father. "I am not Harry's father."

"Sorry, Guardian." Draco rolled his eyes. He didn't see the difference. If someone was willing to be as protective to Harry as Snape was, then what was so wrong with calling him a father-figure. He shouldn't take offense to that. "Am I able to come up now, or are you still afraid I'll hurt Potter?"

"You can come up and see Harry. I am sure he will enjoy seeing you." He turned towards the entrance and Draco followed. As they got up to the room, Snape whispered to unlock the charm he'd placed on the door so that Dumbledore could not walk in uninvited. He opened the door and allowed Draco in. Draco walked in and stood in the doorway. He looked at Harry. "Hello Potter."

Harry stood and walked over, looking Draco up and down. Finally he held out a hand and smiled a small, slightly insecure, but unexpected smile. "Hello Draco. Welcome to Snape's and my home."

Draco looked back at his Godfather with a slightly confused look, but shrugged it off and smiled at Harry. "Thank you. So what did you want to do today. I didn't bring my chess board, because I didn't know if you wanted to play games or what."

Harry shrugged and looked down. "I don't know. You and Snape can hang out and I can go…"

"Potter, I'm here to see you. Not my Godfather. I see enough of him, if not too much."

Snape rolled his eyes and shook his head. He loved his Godson, but he had a bit of arrogance about him that might scare Harry off. But unexpectedly, Harry laughed and boy, was that an amazing sound. Harry smiled at them both. "Let's hang out all together. Maybe we could all go flying. I'm sure the school has extra brooms."

Snape nodded. "We could definitely do something like that if you want Harry. I don't need permission to borrow them, so we can certainly do so." Especially if it made Harry smile and laugh again. He loved hearing the sound of Harry's laugh. . It was nice to know that the young man had it in him to do so, even if it was at his expense. Even if he couldn't make Harry do it himself. As much as he wanted it to be him that made Harry happy, having Draco do so was nice as well.

Harry nodded. "I would like that."

Draco smiled. "I would love to go flying as well. It's been ages since I've been able to."

"You don't fly around at home?" Harry asked, curious.

"No, Potter. My father seems to find flying to be a waste of my time. He prefers I do things that will help me excel at school and at life. The only time I fly is here at school." Draco said, frowning at the idea of telling Harry too much. "But obviously that means we both do the best we can with what time we can. I know you can't fly in your little neighborhood either."

"No, I can't." Harry said with a frown and looked down.

"No offense meant Potter. You're really good. Better perhaps because you don't have the pressures some Quidditch players have. I see you going pro eventually."

"Really?"

"Of course Harry." Draco looked like he tasted something funny. He wasn't used to calling Harry by his name. That wasn't going to stop him from being civil though. "So, shall we? Even if we have to use brands far too inferior to our skills." He stuck out his tongue and shivered dramatically.

Harry smiled. "Let's do it."

Snape smiled at the boys behavior. They were trying, for each other, to get along. Harry looked at ease and Draco looked as though he was out of place, but the two were enjoying themselves. Snape couldn't wait to see what this friendship would mean for them in the long run. In the short term, it gave Draco a second chance. As long as he didn't hurt Harry, which Snape would make sure he didn't, the two could really balance each other out. As friends, those two could conquer the world. If they fought again, Snape seriously worried for the Raven-haired boy. He couldn't handle much more loss.

Snape shook his head to rid the thought from his head. He really didn't want to think of everything that could go wrong, because that thought process could go on for days. Snape put a hand on Harry's shoulder and looked at his face. The younger boy had the look of someone trying to look optimistic, instead of someone who was truly happy. At least he was trying. That was one step.

"Let's go, Potter. I don't think you've seen my flying skills."

Harry tilted his head. "You have skills now Pro-Severus?" Harry caught himself mid-word and smirked some. "Show me what you've got. Maybe the two of you will make it a challenge."

"Let's go get that Snitch Draco." Snape said. He was ready to get back on the broom. It had been a while since he'd gone flying for fun, but something in the young man's smile made him want to do whatever he could to keep it there.

Snape pulled his hand from Harry's shoulder and noticed the boy visibly relax. He instantly regretted the contact with Harry without asking. He hoped for Harry's sake Draco hadn't noticed, because Harry did not need the other boy to bug Harry with his unintentional curiosity. It was in Draco's nature to find out everything. There would be enough he knew the blond would ask the other and he didn't need more ammo.

Harry turned to follow Severus and Draco. Draco began joking with Harry while they followed Snape and Snape could feel himself smile. So far, so good. Thanks Gods he'd thought to invite Draco over.


End file.
